Sugar babes, sugar daddies and the myth of monogamy

"Money and sex are what makes the world go around," mused my gym buddy Tom the other day as we puffed it out on the treadmills discussing our dating woes.

"The minute I tell women I have my own businesses, they start to swoon and they're all over me like a rash. But I'm sick and tired of being a sugar daddy to a bunch of 24-year-olds."
As a thirty-something singleton, he has dated his fair share of younger femmes who think they'll move into his swank apartment and be pampered, preened, fed and paid for.

Sure, he enjoys the lavish attention and bedroom favours, but it quickly grows old.
"I think it's time I started looking for a sugar mum," he puffed. "Someone older and richer to take me out and look after me for a change. What do you think?"

Considering I've never dated a sugar daddy, (or been a sugar mum for that matter), I'm not quite sure of the appeal.  Yet after reading a book titled Sugarbabe by Aussie babe Holly Hill, which chronicles her year in search of a sugar daddy, I've become instantly fascinated by the topic.

Holly posted an advert online for a sugar daddy, describing herself as an "attractive, educated, well-spoken 35-year-old professional woman" who "LOVES sex", "gives a great massage", "can provide gourmet meals" and above all requires a "generous weekly allowance in return for all of the above" of $1000 ...

Yet I wondered: what's the big appeal about making an uncommitted bloke (or femme) moan and groan while their partners and kids wait for them at home... and you count the cash as soon as their back is turned?
After mentioning her story to a dinner party table one Saturday night, I was astounded by the responses. Some gaped at the thought of being paid to have casual sex with a stranger; others thought her $1000 fee was too little, and one (a man), even applauded her bold career choice, beseeching me to give him more details as to how she did it and asked if he should quit his job and give it a try too.

Amid all the interest and speculation, I decided to contact Holly to find out more from the gal herself ...
Me: So, what made you want to get a sugar daddy?
Holly: I was facing bankruptcy with a broken heart (that spells 'desperate' in anyone's language!). I also had very practical, opened-minded friends who suggested I do it.
Me: You must have been surprised when you received 11,000 hits. Did you ever think that so many men would respond to your ad?
Holly: The thing that startled me most about the replies was that most of them were done in business hours. I think it captured imaginations because I was offering true multi-dimensional employment - everything I did well, including cooking and listening. The only difference between me and a Stepford wife was that I provided the same service without strings.
Me: Upon interviewing the blokes, were you surprised by what these men actually wanted out of the relationship?
Holly: Yes! I thought it would mostly be about the sex but, as one man pointed out - he could go to a brothel if he just wanted that. I also discovered that even if men cheat, it doesn't mean that they don't love us.
Me: Do you think that monogamy is impossible these days?
Holly: Well, my 'penis kilometres' theory is in the book [Holly explains that having sex with one man your entire life means doing it with the same genitals for hundreds of kilometres], but when you consider concepts such as mental monogamy I'd be willing to bet 100 percent of men aren't faithful.

I think women are capable of being monogamous (and Darwin would probably agree that two lesbians would have the most chance of surviving of all) but it is much harder for men. Not because of any weakness of theirs but because of the way nature made them.
Me: That's why you've devised a whole set of new rules for relationships that you think should be implemented in the future. Can you explain them?
Holly: Yes. I think a lot of troubles in relationships could be avoided if we had:
* A system of 'negotiated infidelity' for the other partner if one person wants to refrain from sex.
This might include such things as pornography, flirtation, kissing, 'thirds' or other partners. This would require rules up front, eg. no sex with friends, exes or relatives, no sex in the marital bed or never more than once with the same person.
* A formalised list of 'selection criteria' at the start of the marriage in which each partner clearly spells out what they want from the other person. eg. Partner A might want Partner B to cook dinner every night and to do the bulk of the childcare. Partner B might want Partner A to always do the breadwinning and the gardening.
* Performance reviews are held every couple of years to both judge and adjust expectations.
That way, if things start going pear-shaped, you catch it early and you know why. We do it for a 40 hour a week job, why not for a 50 year 24/7 life changing investment?!"
Makes sense to me.
Holly tells me she's now decided to turn the sugary tables around and has placed an ad for ... a toy boy!
"I will pay the toy boys to do exactly what I offered to the daddies, ie. cook for me in their own apartment, give me afternoon tea, sex sometimes but not all times."
It's been four days, she's already had 7000 hits, interviewed dozens of men and I've had my gym buddy Tom begging for her number. And the fascination rolls on ...