"I happened to have a one night stand whilst my stay in Indonesia (my first one) and this guy has continued to message me and I've been messaging him back. I am feeling like I really could like him and I may have ruined any chances of something deeper because I slept with him the way I did. Is there any way this could work? Is this salvageable?"
During the holiday season, I have no doubt many of you took part in copious amounts of flirting, boozing, fooling around and fornicating. Of course when sand, surf and the silly season is underway, coupled-up with copious amounts of cocktails and cleavage on display, things are bound to get frisky.
Yet once the silly season is over, what are the consequences of all those one-night stands? Will you ever get a follow-up phone call? Will you ever see them again? Or should you resign yourself to forgetting all about your holiday fling for good ...
Fueling the casual sex debate is a comment relayed to me by my serial-dating mate. After his intense three-year relationship went bust, he decided to give the "casual thing" a go for the first time ever during this holiday season. When I asked him if during his myriad dalliances he'd met anyone special, he scoffed at the question and replied with a curt, "How am I ever meant to respect anyone who comes home with me on the first night?" Confusing stuff, especially since thanks to the sexual revolution, modern women are being led to believe that it's sexy to be brash and bold when it comes to sex.
It took only a few decades to create a brazen new world where the highest ideal is to acknowledge your inner slut. I am woman; see me strip. "We had decades of Victorian prudery, when women were not supposed to like sex. Then we had the pill and zipless encounters, when women were supposed to have the same animalistic drive as men. Then it was discovered - shock, horror! - that men and women are not alike in their desires. But zipless morphed into hookups, and the more one-night stands the girls had ..... the grumpier they got."
Does a one night stand ruin a future chance in a relationship? In my opinion, a one night stand will hamper any possibility of a serious relationship in the future. This off course can be argued. We need to define a "relationship" in this instance. Are we talking about a purely sexual relationship aka "friends with benefits" or a traditional relationship where "boy meets girl"? If it is the latter then most men will feel unchallenged and will tend to look for some other woman who sets their hearts racing by playing "hard to get' or any other mind games to keep men interested in a long term relationship.
What is the phenomenon of chemistry and run? Why does it happen?
Let's face it, sex is a physical act, being hungry and thirsty are also physical acts. Some people seem to think otherwise, which in my opinion is misguided. Sex and love are completely two different things. In most cases when a man has a one night stand with a woman, he simply satisfies his sexual appetite and once that is done he wants to leave. The same can apply to women who are also merely interested in the sexual act to please themselves. To put it bluntly, during one night stands, we look at our sexual partner as a "piece of meat". In the end, the only people that usually get hurt by one night stands are those who are expecting more than just sex out of them.
How can women make a guy see her as a serious date potential from the first few dates?
I would suggest avoiding sex in the first few dates. Men like the thrill of chasing women, as much as they hate to admit it. It turns them on and keeps them to us coming back for more. However, you need to be careful not to come across as someone who is "waiting for sex until marriage" type of person. This turns a lot of men off the relationship to begin with. During the first few dates spend some time together in public places and not inside his bedroom or his car. You really need to get to know each other and being out and about is the best way to achieve that. Save sex for later, you will enjoy it much more then anyway. A while later if you feel that the relationship is getting a bit more serious, you can introduce your new man to your close friends.
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