"Am I cheating?"

 When it comes to internet flirting or kissing strangers in bars, when does it turn from innocent behaviour into cheating?
 I thought I'd share a story I heard the other day.
A female caller, whom we'll call D, rang in. Apparently she'd Googled her boyfriend of one year, (for entertainment purposes of course), when lo and behold, she discovered that his profile was on not one, but two internet dating websites for all the world's women to see.
When she confronted him about it his lame excuse was that he "simply wants to see what's out there". (And, for the record, he's kept his profile up, despite her blatant badgering and utter disgust at his actions.)
Unless you've been living on Mars, by now you would be well aware of the dangers that lurking in online chat rooms can bring about.
Temptation sets in and before you know it, you've become ensconced in clandestine meetings in secret locations and weaving a web of lies as you disguise your whereabouts (and rampant band-width usage) to your unassuming partner ...
But despite the hurt she felt, D still wasn't so sure whether her man's behaviour was widely accepted or not. "Is this cheating?" she asked, still in shock at seeing her boyfriend soliciting other women. Er, technically no. But is it acceptable? Hell, no! Why would he want to see "what's out there" when he's got a perfectly fine girlfriend at home nestled up to him?
It's the question no committed woman wants answered. So what's the solution?
"Set up a fake meeting and see if he goes through with it',' proffers up one gutsy gal pal of mine who found herself on the sharp end of the internet-dalliance stick herself when her man of three years struck up an intimate friendship with a woman half way across the world. The Other Woman (as she dubbed her) eventually decided enough was enough, and turned up on their doorstep with her suitcase in tow. The problem, she soon discovered, was that her cyber lover was actually engaged to my friend.


Kissing
From cyber flirtation to real-life canoodling, when it comes to cheating, where do you draw the line? Like D, a blogger named Stephy isn't so sure.
"Is it considered cheating if a girl in a relationship with a man kisses another girl?" she writes to me in an email. "Over the years, a friend of mine has been in relationships and still kisses other men. Her boyfriend knows and doesn't seem to mind. Is this normal?"
Personally, I think not. But chatting to a super-flirtatious bloke on the weekend, he came up with an interesting telltale sign to discover whether the tonsil-hockey is indeed philandering or not. His theory is this: when you're kissing someone without anything going on in your head or your heart, it's not as bad as when there's a hefty emotional connection involved.
"Once the emotion is there, it would be far worse if my girlfriend continued with the kiss, than if it was just a random pash in a club," he explained. He then thought about it for a while and seemed to backpedal from his theory. "Although kissing a random guy in a club would be pretty bad too," he added.
Perhaps it's a case of mind over matter. If your heart is in it and there's an emotional connection brewing, it's wrong. But if the heart's not in it, and it's simply done for a bit of fun, kissing someone else more acceptable?


Why people cheat
The jury is out on the answer but either way, recent researchers were so intrigued as to why some have the inclination to cheat and others don't, that they set out to discover the truth behind the choice to philander.
American psychologist Gian Gonzaga, who conducted the survey which surveyed a bunch of UCLA students, found that the stronger the bond between two people, the less likely they are to step out behind their partner's back.
"Feeling love for your romantic partner appears to make everybody else less attractive, and the emotion appears to work in very specific ways by in enabling you to push thoughts of that tempting other out of your mind," Gonzaga explained.
In other words, if the love is there, you're less likely to find your partner in a romantic dalliance on internet dating website and stealing clandestine kisses in the first place ... even if they know they can get away with it.