The Rating Game

Have you ever entertained the thought that the reason you might be constantly getting dumped is because you're dating people that are way too good for you? Or if you're always dumping people, it's because you're dating people who are not good enough for you? Neither had I.

But when I was perusing through the latest headlines at the CBS News website, I was shocked to discover an author pedaling that exact theory.
While I think it's all a load of codswallop, and take heart in the words of famous Polish pianist Arthur Rubinstein, who mused that we should "love life and life will love you back ... love people and they will love you back", let me tell you a bit more dating theory ...

In her new book titled The Rating Game, she's created a system to avoid the detrimental dating up or down scenario, which she says is the key to finding a soul mate. Her theory is simply this rate yourself on a scale of one to 10 on four criteria. They are face, body, personality and life situation. Then you're supposed to rate potential dates the same way and see how closely the two scores match up. The closer the score, the better the relationship is supposed to turn out.
(By reckoning, Jennifer Aniston's score would have been way higher than Brad Pitt's, hence the reason for their split. Huh?)

Now, if you've learned anything over the last five years then you'll know all too well that when it comes to having rampant standards, criteria, checklists and "must-have" qualities when it comes to choosing, dating and wooing the opposite sex, it can only end badly - possibly even in the full-blown calamitous territory.
Of course, while we're all being judged in one way or another whether we like it or not, do we really have to do it so obviously, shallowly and callously?
I think not.
There are a couple of other gripes I have with this book.
Firstly, I don't think that dating up or down are the only two reasons for someone being constantly dumped or doing the dumping, as the author seems to believe.
Secondly, most of us have a warped sense of who we really are or how we look, so I don't think that actually using a system out of 10 to rate ourselves is going to give a clear indication as to the type of person we are.
The next grievance I have is that I don't think anyone can claim to have a "foolproof" method for finding your perfect soul mate - especially not one that consists of judging a person's face, body or social status against your own.
The other issue I have with the book is that as people get older, criteria shifts drastically, especially for women.
While women have been pushing back marriage rates in order to revel in their single life a little longer than the previous generation, it seems something awry happens to women when they hit the age of the big 3-O.
Suddenly, they're not so sure they did the right thing by playing the field and dissing all the nice guys in favour of a more exciting life, because now it seems that the only men who are left are taken, married or gay.
Suddenly, all that criteria that they reserved for finding a man is flung right out of the proverbial window.
"I am sick of playboys," they lament. "I just want a nice, normal decent guy."
And what's left? The men they so readily dismissed during their younger days.

At least that's the theory of regular reader, who says he's coming up with a hypothesis that he reckons explains the "man drought" ...

"Consider a woman who, for argument's sake, is now 30 and looking to settle down. There is a fair chance that in her early to mid-20s she went out and had fun, maybe had a few short- to medium-term relationships, but also a few one night stands, flings, booty calls, 'buddy' arrangements, etc. All of this is pretty normal, based on media portrayal of contemporary female characters.
"Then this woman gets a little older, wants to settle down, but finds that men of a similar age just want to sleep with her and move on. But consider the position of the men who now fit into the appropriate 'settle down material' category; chances are they are exactly the same guys that five years earlier wouldn't have got a look in from this woman at a club for exactly the same reasons that they are now suitable to settle down with. Can you blame them for wanting to take advantage now that they have the chance?"

"I am 25 years old, and fit into the latter category of men. I'm not a professional athlete or a model, instead I have a good education and a good job (not glamorous). None of this will do much for me with girls in a bar, but I can see that in five years when they are looking to settle down, I'll come into my own.

"My point here is that if girls are discovering that when they decide they are ready to settle down, that the boys of their past dating history won't cut it, then perhaps they shouldn't be too surprised when the guys they overlooked for so many years are somewhat bitter and look to take advantage when they get the opportunity.

"In footy terms, if you want the best players, you have to draft them young and take the risk. If you wait until they mature into the best players before pursuing them, you might find it hard get hold of one. "