Wendy, 40, physiotherapist.
"I am single because I refuse to settle"
Why am I single? After my last two-year relationship, I realised that I was settling for not only the wrong person because I had been lonely, but he was not my ideal man at all. He was 10 years younger than me, totally possessive, antisocial, a lot of fun in many ways, but also a very insecure person. He was secretly on the internet scouring dating sites the whole two years we were together! He ideally wanted a baby and I wouldn't give him one due to already having two teenage children. I finally broke it off and have since been on many dates but usually by the second or third date, I realise how unsuited they are to me.
I refuse to settle for just having any man as a companion as many women I know do as they get lonely and tired of doing the girlfriend outings. But I see it as so important to find your ideal. If not, you will eventually break up sooner or later. Finding what is important to each individual of course varies but, to me, there must really be the chemistry that creates the spark. They must have a similar lifestyle such as healthy eating, exercise, love of music, be social, be confident and secure with who they are, generous, caring, honest and loyal. A bit of jealousy is OK, at least you know they are into you! But not to the extreme.
Also, they must live close enough to enable spontaneous plans to fit in with each other's busy lifestyles. I really do believe this is important. Well at least it is to me. If all of that comes along then I would be very happy. Until then I'm happy single ...
Natalie Graham, 34, office admin
"I think I was single because I don't look like a supermodel and I speak my mind."
Men seem to only want girls with really pretty faces and I have had that look of disgust when I have tried to talk to a guy. Personally, I think I'm about average.
Also, I think I am too forward. I tell it like it is and I speak my mind. Seems guys don't like that. They talk about how they want a girl who is independent and who can provide them with good conversation, but when they find a girl like that, their fragile egos can't cope.For example, one year (at an annual event) I spoke to guys and if anything seemed positive I asked for an email address. The following year (due to a car accident) I was very quiet around everyone and didn't speak much. One guy from the year before (who had since got a girlfriend) spoke to me and said I was very "full on" the year before, but I was acting much better that year.
I think guys want someone who is subtle and submissive and will wait for them to chase her.
I don't put up with their bullshit and I refuse to act like their slave. Some guy pals I have seem to be real jack asses and everything is fine until you say something negative about anything they have done (even if they have really stuffed you up/around). So any potential suitor finally decides you are not worth the effort because of basically the point above - you are not submissive and you do not worship the ground they walk on.
Also because I am old - I'm over 22 and the maximum suitable age seems to be 25. Once you are over 25 you are an old hag and you might as well just get three cats. I was in a 4.5 year relationship in my (prime) 20s, which didn't work out (thank goodness), and that has now left me old and single. I don't know how divorced/widowed people cope.
Francesca Black, 30, beautician
"I am single because I fall for the wrong men."
I think I'm single for a large part because I have long had a bad-boy fetish. I have always gone out with the wrong type of men and so it was inevitable that these relationships would never work out. I've had three long-term relationships with bad boys - men who had drug habits or criminal backgrounds.
This is the complete opposite of me. I have never done drugs with them, I have always maintained a good job, I come from a good middle- to upper-class family and I went to a private school. I never got into trouble, but the relationship with these types of men somehow made me feel alive and loved. Regardless of how bad things got, I always seemed to believe that these men were good to me.
But ... I learnt that their past always catches up and comes into the present. Even though you're not the one who has done anything wrong, once you are caught up with these types of people things go wrong in your own life. Also, after you've dated a few bad boys, you start to think that their behaviour is normal. The shock factor has disappeared. And then you finally realise - after some horrible incident occurs - that you deserve better. Much better. I have no regrets and learnt a lot from these relationships about what I do and don't want. I have since cleaned up my life and no longer have these guys in my life. But now I realise that even the good guys who come from good families with good educations can turn out to be players.
I think I am single because I am finding it hard to meet a decent genuine, real, good guy. I am a career woman who is very driven and motivated in my work, and I find that, in Sydney, men don't want really want a partner who is driven, successful, really strong and independent. Even if they say that they don't mind a woman being that way inclined, they'll eventually get tired of her always working late or not being home when he gets home and they start getting angry and upset. You could definitely say that nowadays I am extremely picky. I know what I want and I won't settle. I could get a boyfriend if I wanted to but that would simply mean that I'd be settling. I want the right person for me. Otherwise I'd rather be focusing on work and myself.
Annabelle Quinn, 27, journalist.
I am single because I believe in romance
I'm not one of those crazy women who thinks that a man in a suit of shining armour is going to come and rescue me. But I do believe in love, romance and soul mates. I do believe that there is someone out there for me who is going to rock my world in ways I never thought possible, and that I am going to meet them.
I think I am single because I don't try hard enough. I don't go looking for this man, I don't put it out there and I don't seek him out. Instead, I am always busy with my friends and my day-to-day grind. In fact, considering most of my friends are men, there really is no point in me having to go out and "date" - I already have so many dates to choose from. But they're all friends and nothing more.
I think I am also single because I have been heartbroken by a guy in the past and that experience still haunts me. I am still afraid to get out there and get heartbroken again, so I basically close myself off to men.
Also, I am not 100 per cent confident in my appearance and my weight. I know I still have a few kilos to lose before I feel really good about myself and confident to go out and meet men ...
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