Love will come when you least expect it... or will it?

John Lennon once said, "Life is what happens to you when you're making other plans." The same is often said about love. But while we're constantly being told that we'll find our soul mate when we're least expecting it, does this mean we should call off the search?

"I never expected to fall in love," tut-tuts my newly engaged friend, causing me to nearly choke on my red wine. "But you went on the internet!" I argue. "And you went to all those singles parties. You even went to the Desperate and Dateless Ball! Of course you expected to find someone - you were out there looking for him every single weekend!"

There's a bizarre belief ricocheting around the singles circle that has everyone flummoxed: it's the belief that we're all destined to meet our soul mate when we're least expecting it. "Hah! What a load of rubbish," sniff the perpetually single. What about the gazillions of dating websites, meeting services, singles parties, date coaches and sure-fire ways to get "seven dates in just one night" in possibly finding your ideal match? "Is it all just a waste of time?" they wonder. It seems these days we're more aggressive daters than ever before and we're not leaving anything, especially the quest of finding the one, up to of chance.

As for finding love when you least expect it? "It's the last thing you want to hear when you are single and hoping to meet someone. Blogger Wish-ga agrees. "Let's discuss 101 reasons why this is wrong," she writes. 
Oh yes. So what happened to old-fashioned "it will just happen"? When did things become so complex?


A quick straw poll of my hitched friends finds that most couples met when they most expected it; out at a single's party (a meet fest if there ever was one), after being set up by mutual friends (who just knew they'd be "perrrfect for each other"), and of course through the internet (because there's nothing unexpected about logging on, punching in your every requirement and having your perfect match spurted right out. Yet I must confess that, with a little further probing, I did discover that indeed the "magic moment" still exists. (Romantics, you can breath a sigh of relief.)

"I have met all of my boyfriends at the very time when I've declared I really don't want to be with anyone right now. And I meant it. Case in point: my current relationship. I was not long out of a relationship and had just moved back to  my city and was busy settling back in and in a new job and enjoying reconnecting with friends. I was really content and just didn't want to put my energy into anything else. A friend tried to set me up with my now boyfriend and I resisted because I wasn't in that head space. But then I met him accidentally and that was enough to snap me out of it. He made it worth my while. You don't pass up someone that special."

Aha! So perhaps it's the stench of desperation that turns off potential suitors.
Yet there's good news for the girls. Notes that there's another point that can't be ignored: men like to hunt.
"So, speaking from a girl's perspective, you've got more chance of meeting someone when you least expect it ... read between the lines - when you are so fulfilled in your own life that it's going to take a bit of work (genuine - no game playing) to win you over."
And as for the blokes? To go out and get it? Or wait in the wings? Perhaps Phil Collins said it best when he crooned; "You can't hurry love, oh you'll just have to wait."