Ye Mere Deewanapan Hai I Sophia Abella

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Boys will be boys


" When you are in a relationship, why does the man still need to look at porno magazines? blogger S recently asked me in an email.

She says that, while her partner doesn't look at the pictures in front of her, he does it behind her back and it makes her feel "not worthy enough" and "not good enough in his eyes".

So what's the go? "We have been together for nearly 2 years and we have lived together for 1.5 years," she writes. "Don't get me wrong - I like porn as well when I'm in the mood, but I guess I would be interested to hear what other males have to say."
While recently watching an Oprah Winfrey Show rerun titled Boys Will Be Boys, I was intrigued when the queen of chat relayed the stats that 70 per cent of men aged 18-34 viewed internet porn once a month.
"Once an hour is more like it," smirked Bruce Cameron, author of How To Remodel A Man, a guest on the show alongside Sports Illustrated magazine's Rick Reilly, singer Brian McKnight and the Tonight Show's Jay Leno.

Leno then told Winfrey (who appeared a little shocked) that he suspected females were into it too. He also said that women should not feel betrayed if their blokes liked to look because "men tend to need visual stimulants".

But she wasn't buying it. "Jay, how would [your wife] Mavis feel if you were looking at porn every day?" she asked. And while Leno said it wouldn't be an issue, it took him about five minutes to get the answer out as he stumbled on his words ...

True, pornography is often about fantasy, curiosity and fun. Or so say the blokes.
But when I posed S question to a 35-year-old male work colleague of mine (who had recently broken off a long-term relationship), he told me that it's a huge generalisation to say that all men in relationships watch porn, yet admits that most men probably do.

"There's a difference looking at porn as a single man than as a taken man," he says. "It's obvious why a single man would, but with a taken man it's different altogether. I can only answer for myself, but when you're in a long-term relationship, it's easy to get into a dull routine.

"After the initial sexual spark is gone, looking at porn is a way to get the guy excited and interested again. We're not daydreaming about the other woman - we're there to make our own relationship improve!" Or so we hope.

But watching porn can work in two ways. According to my mate, it can either spice up the relationship, or it can act as a replacement for needs that aren't being met in a relationship. And if this is the case, then you need to know when the warning bells start to ring.

"If your own sex life is inadequate, and you're finding that your partner is constantly watching porn instead of paying attention to you, then you know there's a bigger problem. But note that it doesn't have anything to do with the habit, it's to do with the connection between the two people," he says.
And there's more bad news for S.

These days, with the easy accessibility of porn on the internet, it's been found to contribute to more divorces than ever before. In fact, while members of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers expected to get a little shut eye during the 2003 conference, (how exciting can a lawyer's seminar really get?) everyone was pleasantly (and some unpleasantly) surprised at the mention of online porn, which was relevant to the day since it was found to have contributed to more than half of the divorces that year!

That said, we can forgive men for indulging in a little now and then. After all, we know that men are visual creatures, and, as Winfrey notes, "Boys will be boys."
So what's the best advice to S, and to all women? (And this is straight from the mouths of average porn-loving blokes!) Never, ever be strict about it, no matter how much you abhor the thought (or sound) of it.


"Guys will always find a way to look at porn," says one married Lothario (who by the way is extremely devoted). "If you say don't to a man, it'll simply make him want to look at it even more."




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