Should women be playing the game too?

It was Sigmund Freud who once said, "Sometimes a banana is just a banana". But when it comes to navigating the perplexing world of dating, playing and online fornicating, it seems many would have to disagree with Mr. Freud.

Prospective dates lie, play games and treat us mean in attempt to keep us keen. They send nonsensical text messages, employ convoluted pick-up tactics and tell us they'll call despite the fact we know they never will.
They tell us they love us, want to spend the rest of their lives with us (sometimes after the first date nonetheless), and that they've never met anyone like us. So who can blame us for becoming completely flummoxed when they suddenly go missing in action after all the sappy declarations? Who can blame us for thinking they're simply playing a cruel game to reel us into their game-playing web? Unfortunately, considering they won't answer our calls or our Facebook messages pleading for an explanation for the pash and dash, we'll never really know. Yet the sad realization is that when it comes to modern dating, Freud seems to have gotten it all wrong. A banana is never just a banana ...
The trouble is that while men have been conditioned for decades to play the dating game, (and have learnt to do so flawlessly), it seems modern women are quickly catching on.

Case in point is the tale of my friend Jesse, who I introduced to you in the Romance versus Reality blog back in February. (Just to recap, she was the lucky gal who caught her man of one year cheating when she snooped on his text messages. Luckily, a high-school crush came out of the woodwork and promised to cheer her up with a romantic dinner, a soft kiss on her lips at the end of the night and a passionate text message on his way home. (Sigh.)

Of course, as we all know too well, ex-addiction is a disease many of us are inflicted with. And before long, Jesse was back in the arms of her toxic beau. But when he began the disappearance act yet again, she decided enough's enough for one gal. "I'm going to play his game right back at him!" she viciously declared. When he eventually did attempt to call her, (albeit a whopping three weeks later), she ignored his incessant calls, emails and texts. (Her willpower was at an all-time high.) When he finally did manage to get hold of her, she decided to be the nice gal no more.She cleverly claimed her mobile was out of credit and if he did in fact want to see her, he'd have to call her. When he proposed a dinner date at a swanky romantic restaurant, (yes, it was working like a charm), she nonchalantly agreed, only to cancel at the last minute due to "work commitments".

"I'm doing what I should have done a long time ago," she explained to me. "It's what men have been doing to me for years! And it's working like a charm. I'm not being played anymore. It's time women took the game back." Amen to that.

By her reckoning, she's established that the "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" mantra that men have long adhered to, works like magic in giving men the jolt they deserve when ricocheted right back at them. The trouble is she's not quite sure how to go about it.
"Is 'mean' suggesting nastiness, or ignorance, or distanced?" she asks. "Is it to walk all over him/her or act blatantly uncaring?"

Her intriguing theory on the matter is this: "It seems human nature desires the unreachable and unattainable. To experience the adrenaline of chasing and being chased, yet secretly yearning absolute attention and affection. I just question whether 'mean' has a boundary, or is it limitless? I personally prefer to see the term as relating to 'firm' and 'controlled'."
Either way, it's no surprise really that the men aren't quite as jubilant over the prospect that women are playing their games. Because if we're no longer caring whether or not they call us back (male tactic #1: never call back when you say you will), what will they do? This is one man's agonizing tale:

"I've tried four-and-a-half times now to catch up with this girl. I can understand why she canceled the first two times, (ex-boyfriend giving her a hard time - stalking, court stuff) and the third was a surprise visit to see her (Valentine's Day - never saw her as she had already made alternative plans with male friend - not that they are dating).

"I thought the fourth date attempt would happen but even has blown out. Even after I said I didn't care how late she came to the date. Having heard nothing until 12.30am, I went to bed. I then received a text at 2.30am from her about only just getting home. An attempt at lunch the next day was washed out as she wasn't out of bed until noon. I struggle to get hold of this girl (rarely answers the phone, text seem to take ages to come back). I thought she was a nice honest country girl (that is what she told me). All I seem to get is nothing.

"I like this girl. I thought we shared a few things in common that were worth exploring further. The vibe I was getting from some of her messages was she was interested so why all this hassle? I'm an honest guy. Yet I seem to be doing all the running for zero return. So why do women want to play guys?"

I think the above blog may have answered his question ...