When she first told me about these rules, I eagerly put them up for discussion in this column, which in turn seemed to garner some pretty interesting responses. The men were divided, with some applauding J's impudence, while others declaring her rules "rubbish", "disrespectful" and "unreasonable". (Who would have thought?)
When I met S again six months later when I was back in, I expected her to be in a long-term relationship with a man who her rules had worked on like a charm. Yet I was shocked to meet an entirely different type of femme. This time she was texting multiple gents, had slept with three men that week (with no "monogamous" relationship in sight), was busy fussing over why man #1 hadn't called her back, if man #2 was still in love with his ex-girlfriend and why man #3 was only after booty calls from her after 2am.
Suffice it to say, her behaviour was diametrically opposed to that of the woman I had met previously.
Admittedly, I was flabbergasted ...
"What happened to your rules?" I asked.
"Oh, that was boring," she replied. "I'm doing what I want now. But the most important thing is that I'm owning my own behaviour. No excuses."
In case you're wondering just exactly what her new behaviour entails, herein lies J's new female rules ... part deux. Maybe the gents will be more inclined to agree with her this time ...
Rule 1: Have multiple things going on at once.
S's first rule is: don't settle for just one love interest at a time. "Oh no. I have a booty call, a person I like, a man who makes me feel good about myself and someone who is just a good friend. That way you're not waiting at any one time for one of them to get back to you. And if one's busy, you've always got another to go out with."
Rule 2: Own whatever you're going to do.
"Have as much sex as you want with whomever you want, but make sure you own it. Know that whatever you do, you're going to have to deal with the consequences. But also know that you've decided to do it. Always be in control, and don't expect anything in return."
She goes on to explain that, once you've slept with a man, in their eyes, you immediately become "psycho". Hence she warns not to be too forward after you do the do, just in case you come across as a little crazy.
Rule 3: Ask men out
"People are really busy these days and you're not going to be the first thing on their mind. So you have to often do the asking. And don't overanalyse if you don't hear back from them. He has a life too!"
Rule 4: Keep your mouth shut
"Telling all your girlfriends about your new beau is only going to cause problems. Things get blown out of proportion and you start having these crazy, toxic conversations about where things are going and what everything really means, when in fact that stuff probably isn't real. Keep it to yourself and stop overanalysing."
Rule 5: Don't assume you're the only one
"To be exclusive takes time and you have to earn that. Frankly, guys don't know what they want. They meet you and they know they want you for that nanosecond, but things quickly change. He could be dating multiple people and you have to know that so that you don't get hurt."
Rule 6: Stick to texting
During the entire hour I spent with S, she was furiously texting about three men at once. The conversation with one of them seemed to be a little raunchier than I was prepared for over brunch.
"Texting can be sexy and a huge turn-on," she said. "But my best advice is to try BlackBerry texting. It's much more efficient for having a conversation and you can see when they've read your texts so that you know when you're being played or ignored."
Rule 7: Stay clear of Facebook
"Don't be a psycho Facebook stalker. It makes you sick to your stomach. Once I found myself doing it and you suddenly see all these girls, and it makes you crazy and psycho. They could be friends from university or a family member, but pics of pretty girls are enough to make anyone paranoid!"
I agree. Don't be friends with the people you're dating in the early stages because it's bad news. As those who have been burnt by the wrath of Facebook can attest, it causes all sorts of unnecessary trouble.
Rule 8: Don't forget men have feelings too!
S admits that, although she gets highly sensitive when it comes to men, they can be equally sensitive.
"One thing we forget is that men have feelings. We forget that they can feel. We always assume that they're these assholes, but they're actually quite soft if you get through that exterior."
Rule 9: Diss men who make you mad
"Keep the boys around who make you smile. If they don't make you smile or you get too obsessed, then it's not good. You need to move on!"
Rule 10: Have fun
"Guys are going to be attracted to a woman who is carefree and fun. If you project too much drama in your life, or you're too much to deal with, then they're not going to want to deal with you."
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