But once the romance turns sour and you decide to move on, the question remains: who gets to keep the friends? You, or them?
Yep, it's a tough quandary that many find themselves faced with after a less than amicable breakup. Especially when one half of your double-dating-couple has been wronged, cheated on or dumped by the wayside. Suddenly you're the one thrust into the position of the confidante, mediator and secret-spiller, for the both of them.
So what's a friend to do?
A long married friend who has seen her fair share of double-dating-couples friendships sink lower than Lindsay Lohan's reputation, has a theory about this. She reckons that once your friends break up or get a divorce, you have no choice but to dump them both.
"M and I were best friends with a couple who recently separated," she says. "So the ex-wife would arrive to visit me, then her ex-husband would arrive to visit my husband with his new girlfriend! You can imagine the nightmare. To top it off, when he'd leave, the ex-wife would quiz us about her ex-man and his new flame. Then she would ring him up and tell him that I told him this and that. So he would ring me yelling as to why I told the ex-wife his stories. Trust me, it's easier on everyone: dump them both!"
Well when you put it that way, it sounds like a viable alternative.
Yet when I received an email from reader A on the other side of the friendship fence, it got me wondering who draws the line on this one, and where.
This is his tale:
"I recently received a terse email from my ex-girlfriend that was a bit of a shock to the system. We were together for almost 2 years, but for various reasons decided to mutually break up earlier this year. (One of these was that I thought she was too emotionally immature). It was tough initially because this was our first meaningful relationship. But since then we've met a few times for lunch and everything has seemed fine.
"However ... in almost two years I got to know her friends quite well. I actually saw more of them than my own friends. But since we broke up I respected her space and didn't make any efforts to see them (although I do play soccer with some blokes I met through her).
"Just a few weeks ago she went overseas. During that time I received a call from my soccer friend who invited me at late notice to the pub for some drinks. One of my ex's best friends (who I had gotten to know quite well) would be there. So I showed up and everything was fine and normal, until I received this email from my ex who just returned from overseas.
"Some snippets include her saying that she thinks I have crossed the line when it comes to friendship boundaries. She reckons it's her friendship group and doesn't want me coming too close to it.
"I replied by saying I had no idea she felt this uncomfortable and that I'm not trying to butt in on her group. But remember this is more than 5 months after we broke up. I thought our break-up was amiable, but this email knocked the stuffing out of me.
"She's expecting me to completely stay away from her friends (even though I'm much too morally conscious to consider dating one) and to be honest it feels like a rejection. As an independent guy, I also don't like people telling me what I can and can't do. It would be a different story if I was hovering around like a desperate animal, but I have kept a respectful distance. One of them is a good business contact too!
"What's your take on remaining friends with their friends after a mutual break-up? Is she over-reacting?"
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