Making love VS Having sex: Is there a difference?

The other day I got chatting to a friend  who during the previous night had been faced with an interesting proposition.
She'd been sipping beers with a man she'd been friends with for almost a decade when he casually dropped a bizarre proposal into the conversation:
"Do you want to 'make love' tonight?" he asked with a wink.
A little shocked and slightly put off, she paused, took a moment to let the question sink in, and then asked him exactly what the heck he meant.
"Well, you're my best friend so it wouldn't exactly just be an emotionless shag. We've got all that history between us."
"I'd never been asked so politely before," she told me the following day. "It completely threw me. It turned what could have been a casual one-night situation into something that might involve actual feelings. And I wasn't quite sure if I was ready to take that next step with him."
So she didn't.
But oh, doesn't it all sound so charming! Doesn't it all sound so romantic! Doesn't it sound so appealingly old-fashioned! It reminds me of the way Frank Sinatra serenaded Grace Kelly with the words, "Mind if I make love to you," in the classic film High Society which was enough to make any woman swoon. Or maybe not ...
"I can't stand the phrase 'make love'," my colleague Jan spat when I told her the story. "It's so freakin' cheesy. Do guys really think we believe them when they say that to us?"
Of course it all depends on the nature of the relationship, the situation, the amount of booze consumed and the desperation of the bloke spurting the line.
From the responses to this column, it would appear the beautician's story confirms that there are indeed plenty.
But is there really a difference between making love and having sex? Apparently so. In fact, when I carried out a survey (OK, I really just posted about it on my Facebook wall), the differing opinions came flooding in fast and furiously.
Says Jo: "If he gets off you immediately, it's sex. For any reason, any excuse, it's sex. If he stays in position to catch his breath and enjoy the glow, it's love."
Writes Terry: "Couples in love can make love and at other times simply F@*K ... it just depends on the mood and situation. I can't think any more about this, I am off to go make love and have some sex, all in the same "session".
And concludes Anna: "Either way, it's still 'connecting' with the other person."

Cheating

Many will use the excuse that they were just "having sex" when it comes to cheating on their partner. They claimed it "meant nothing" because they weren't "in love" with the person they were shagging and a shag was just a shag.
Although Anna adds that many should be quick to dismiss the "I just had sex" excuse:
"You can't cheat on your partner and say 'I just f---ed him/her, but I make love to you.' Bollocks. If you were just satisfying a physical need, then a sex toy would be enough."
My poll generated some mightily interesting definitions and, while I don't think any of us can really put our finger on the answer (no pun intended), I thought it would be interesting to share with you nonetheless...

"Making love" definitions included...

* "When there's cuddling and spooning afterwards"
* "When you actually care about the person you make love with"
* "Someone you actually call the next day"
* "When deep emotions go with it"
* "Magnificent"
* "Satisfying your partner"
* "When there's foreplay"

Definitions of "having sex" included ...

* "Merely exercise"
* "Satisfying yourself"
* "When it's mostly physical"
* "The animal act which satisfies a physical need"
* "Drunken sex"
* "When it's followed by the 'walk of shame' at 4am"
* "Boring" (although whoever said that might not be doing it right...)

By my reckoning it's all about the follow-up. I've long talked about the phenomenon of the "bonk and flee" which has long left many flabbergasted, confused and feeling used and abused. The sad part is that sometimes in the moment of ecstasy and orgasm, you just can't pick how the other person is going to behave the morning after ...