The Art of Confidence as I Am

Sportsmen know it, James Bond has it and many of us lust after it. But forget how you look, where you're from or even the size of your bank balance, because experts surmise that the key to success lies simply in this: self-confidence ...
The reason we're attracted to one person and not another is one of this blog's (and life's) greatest mysteries. Yet with all the recent hullabaloo over what's hot and what's not, it's no wonder we're one heck of a confused bunch. British studies reckon tall men and thin women are more attractive; the Germans assert redheads are better in the sack; the Americans deem geeks, nerds and smart men have what it takes, and blogger Mr Ben Darcy (along with 500 of you) suggest it's a good sense of humour (GSOH) that gets us going.
True, when it comes to being attracted to someone, everyone has their own personal preferences, checklists and no-nos. Yet after months of deliberating, debating, arguing and occasionally agreeing on one common denominator has emerged: having confidence is damn sexy ...

So what exactly does confidence entail? Is it the ability to waltz up to any stranger in a bar and assume they'll want to talk with you, kiss you and possibly get hitched to you? Does it mean not taking no for an answer? Believing you're the king of the world? Absolutely not.

"Arrogance is the least attractive personality trait in a man. I absolutely hate it when a guy swaggers all over me, assuming I'm into him when I'm clearly not, yet thanks to his ego, he won't take no for an answer. That's not confident, that's annoying." There's a flip side to the confidence coin, and it doesn't involve cheesy one-liners or supercilious behaviour. In fact it's more to do with how you handle rejection, rather than dish it out.

"Confident men ooze with sexuality. When I probe her as to what makes one man more appealing than another. "When they fumble, use lame pick-up methods or try too hard, it's a turn-off. But a guy who knows who he is, stands tall, commands the room and has fun with his mates - now that's someone I'd like to talk to, regardless of whether he has the so-called 'courage' to come and chat me up."

While we'd all like to swallow the confidence pill, none of us can avoid those situations in life that let us down. Unpredictable events, break-ups or being put down by someone we look up to, can instantly quash our self-confidence down to a pulp. One day we're feeling like we're on top of the world: great partner, great job, great life. And the next, things come crashing down around us. Hence we're left with nothing else but to wallow in our own pity, drink ourselves silly, cause a spectacle and hope it, along with our woes, will all be forgotten by the morning.Yet maybe these set-backs are put in front of us to make us stronger. Perhaps they're a test of our character, our strength and our ability to handle adversity.
"The lows will pass. They come into our life for a reason - to enrich us, to draw us closer into the vast, glitter vividness of what it is to be human ... it helps us learn so that we can then venture into the world wise, softer, richer, more compassionate."
I admit, building your confidence back up when you're down is no easy feat. But when we feel good about ourselves, it makes it easier for someone else to feel good about us, so it's definitely worth a try. And as we all know, it's our own self-esteem that enables us to feel sexy, with or without a date ...