model Jordan. I, of course, am talking about breasts: those whimsical charms that no matter what shape, size or contour, can turn men into bumbling idiots at the very sight of them.
While winter is supposedly a conservative season, lately I've seen more breasts than I care to look at, especially my boob. And while you'd think that the blokes living in the world of the Double D's would have just about had enough of push-up bra, don't bet on it just yet. Especially if they're real, as comedian Sarah Silverman writes in Esquire Magazine; "God-given breasts are rare ... Men see me with my 100-percent-original rack, and they are so appreciative."
She adds that fake breasts have given real breasts more value and thanks a slew of celebrities who propelled fake bosoms into the mainstream. "Thank you, Pamela. Thank you, Demi. And, to quote Alanis, thank you, disillusionment"...Silverman's boob-theory was confirmed to me while lounging about at a friend's hotel pool recently in La La Land, when my mate - a very hot Cougar in her 40s - whipped off her leopard-print caftan to expose her Pilates bod and a very natural cleavage spilling out from under her tiny bathing suit. Suddenly a horde of men (who hadn't noticed us until now) flocked to our deckchairs making weird excuses as to why they urgently needed to borrow our suntan lotion.
Throughout the course of the day I was aptly ignored (I had forgotten my bathing suit and was too busy on my laptop typing this blog anyway), but my mate was inundated with date requests, cocktail invitations and even a free room for the night. And while a survey recently discovered that 85 per cent of blokes prefer natural breasts over the plastic variety, a friend of mine was recently dumped for a bikini-model (yes, that is her job title), with some very large surgically enhanced breasts.
Which brings me to the power of the bikini. Or the power shortage with which it cripples the male mind. Because while you may have known this all along, it comes as news to me to read new scientific research which stipulates that something drastic happens when a man spots a woman in a cleavage-enhancing bikini: he becomes stupid.
"Bikinis Instigate Generalized Impatience in Intertemporal Choice," sniffed the title of an article that was published in the Journal of Consumer Research, which in other words translates into the fact that men don't make good decisions while checking out pretty girls in bikinis. Of course while this managed to cause a great hullaballoo amongst the men, it has given women great satisfaction in the knowledge of their ability to control men with a little titillating beach wear.
I wonder if the same rings true when cleavage is displayed in the office?
As the debate is often had whether or not feminine wiles are to be displayed during working hours, (surveys have discovered it's mostly women that object to other women displaying it), it becomes plain to see that a little boobage might in fact help women get ahead from the men. Of course no self-respecting women will be taken seriously when they cross the line between pornography and art, but at least it's good to know how to get the promotion over a male co-worker ...
The female hang up - It's in the shoes
For men, apparently their power is in their shoes. Or so says one male model friend of mine who vouches women will always look at his shoes first before his biceps, in hope of judging his personality.Enough said ...
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