Broken Dreams

Darling, I take no exception to myself. All you say is right and how can I feel anything but shame. I know I have done wrong but I have been unable to do anything else. Baby, I am sick, I am mentally and physically sick. I am in constant pain twenty-four hours of the day. Trying to think is a definite effort for me. I love you baby, there is, nor can there be anyone but you. The Hell on earth I have gone through is unbelieveable. I see your face in every succession of hotels and restaurants. I can do nothing, I cannot think except of you.

I'm a sick, lonely woman, baby. Much of it if not all of it is my responsibility. I simply cannot exist without you. The things? Hell darling, if you can't solve it we might as well forget them. If all the concrete results of your life and my life mean so little to you they can mean no more to me. Let them go. I have a little plans anyway for us. Damn! Darling! All the hard days we lived together and now that we're economically sound you slip it off. Sure, if you pursue what we have started you've got me but I still think we can live and find happiness, or content. I'm tired and I'm sick and I love you, darling. Each thing I do is wrong but it was never that way together. You've had Hell? Whatever went before I am probably more responsible than anyone concerned. Yours has been a nowhere terms whereas mine has been something it is impossible to live with. A load? Sure, but no worse than the current problem, and, it might save me. I probably won't do any better today than I did last night. I'll try however. You have the preponderance of right on your side. I do not question that. I feel that I have some things on my side. From the time were together , I blew completely to Hell.

The things I did you knew I'd do when I was without your controlling influence. There is a certain amount of brilliance but damned little basic intelligence. The things I do I don't want to do. I only find it impossible to do any other way. You want surety and secureness? There it is. You handle it. I'm sorry Darling, I have too many memories and all of them beautiful. I remember the touch and the feel of you. I remember the passion you had for cokes and mysteries and the look of you coming down the street to meet me. I remember so much. I wish to God I could forget it. You are the only man I have ever loved -- there have been others, yes, but you are the only one who has been of any importance to me. God Almighty! Can't you find any kindliness in your heart for me? I need you. We had been perfect natural sweet loving couple together ( a team ). There is what you are talking about. Oh Darling, let's have our home and our dreams and our quietness and the laughter over small things. Let's go back and do all that we had planned. I have not had a good meal for over four days. It hasn't made a great deal of difference. I'm still in pain and I'm still very lonely for you. I think I know what it is and in my own stupid way I'd like to do it. I would be here waiting for you patiently. The days have been tough for you. My sorrow does not replace. Yours will be the last name I speak. I love you.

Missing you so badly!