I can remember being younger and out on New Years Eve and the subject of resolutions would always come up. It was usually less spending or get a better job or maybe not drink so much and of course that's after you're on your 6th Jack and Daniels. This is really important to me and real. It's a very real resolution.
I am preparing myself for this quit. I make lists, I start cleaning anything that might remind me the slightest bit of smoke and rearrange or redecorate it if possible. My flat is non-smoking but we have this "Smoky Room" where we can smoke freely. Last time I quit I completely emptied it out, kept it and rearranging decorations. I'll need to do that again even though I've only been back smoking a few months. It doesn't take long to get back into the same old habits. It feels like I never even quit.
It's important for me to remember that no matter how long I stop smoking all I have to do is take that first puff and it could be all over. I could be back smoking for another 28 years and it will kill me for sure. This time I will never take one puff.
My last ex-boyfriend John is a non-smoker, 100% there for me when he reminds me to quit. He doesn't smoke that I can't see him or smell it. I think that, in turn, makes me smoke less. He hopes me to quit some day and he will be happy when I am ready. I'm ready now.
Every time I light a cigarette it's like a feeling of something slowly sucking the life out of me and I'm letting it happen. I'm making it happen. I ask myself, why would anyone do this to themselves, FOR 28 YEARS!!! What do I get out of it??? Death?
It's time to move on. It's time to be healthy and enjoy my life. That's only going to happen when I quit smoking.
I'm ready for whatever that takes.
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