Female sexuality: The orgasm gap

Thank goodness for the '60s and the invention of bell-bottoms, the pill and, most importantly, the fact that women were told they could finally own their own sexuality. "Hooray!" the femmes rejoiced. "Finally it's ours!" After all, it wasn't exactly fair that someone else owned it instead.

But I've got to wonder: of the women nowadays who believe they own their own sexuality (because they sleep with plenty of men and engage in one-night stands), who do they think owned it before? The men? Their parents? The local council?

The trouble is that it seems there are a whole lot of WOTS (women owning their sexuality) who are confused as to what exactly the definition entails.

Originally designed as a statement to give women the feeling of being able to "choose" their own sexual path without being demeaned by society or having to suppress their sexual urges, sadly nowadays it seems the message has been entirely misconstrued.

Women are dishing out sexual favours and blow jobs like party tricks (everywhere from hotel bathrooms to strangers' bedrooms), while the men are readily lapping up this whole idea of supposed female empowerment, laughing and applauding their way from the club to the bedroom ...

While the men are calling these women "loose" (not empowered), the women are failing to understand what the fuss is all about.

"Why can't I have sex like a man?" they ask. "I have sexual needs too!" the women lament. "But I wanted it just as much as he did ... so what's the freakin' problem?"

To Tony Abbott, virginity is a "precious gift" that should not be thrown away ... least of all before marriage. But to the rest of the women engaging in casual sex, aside from swapping a slew of sexual diseases and feeling used and low the following day, there's another issue that no amount of casual sex or "owning female sexuality" can combat: "the orgasm gap", denoting the fact that women are not getting their fair share of pleasure in the bedroom.

Researchers from Stanford University have discovered that, while the men are getting off most of the time with a big climax and a smile on their faces, the women engaging in casual sex and random hook-ups are being left without a happy ending (let alone a follow-up phone call!).

I first heard this term being used in a story by The Daily Beast and have since decided to do my own probing into the matter. It turns out that, despite how much free sex and "doing it like a man" women claim to do, there's one thing they're not getting in return: an orgasm.

The researchers found that women have half as many orgasms as men during repeat hook-ups and only a third of the time during a first-time hook-up. Not bloody fair, is it?

As Paula England, a professor of sociology at Stanford University, recently said, "The orgasm gap is an inequity that's as serious as the pay gap, and it's producing a rampant culture of sexual asymmetry." Yeouch.
When it comes to returning favours, the women aren't getting much satisfaction either, with the study finding that women dish out oral sex during 80 per cent of hook-ups, while the men do it back only 40 per cent of the time.

So what's going on?
Michael Kimmel, author of Guyland, says it's largely the women's fault and equates it to doing the housework.
"Men don't pull their weight on either front because no one makes them," he says.
But back to the WOTS. Owning your own sexuality and dishing out oral sex are all about choice. Of course no one wants to feel bad about themselves the following day when they discover that doing it like a man wasn't as easy or fulfilling as they were once led to believe.

The solution?
Neil Strauss, author of The Game says that it's up to the men to help the women out. In a recent blog, he writes about 16 things he learnt while researching his eponymous man's guide to getting laid. Suggestion #9 reads as follows:

"Always call a woman the day after sleeping with her and make her feel good about having let go with you - even if you don't want to see her again or she doesn't want to see you again. Don't ruin her for other guys."
Doesn't sound too bad to me. At least if she doesn't experience the Big O, she'll still feel good about herself the following day ...