It's that time of year again, when Cupid's arrow strikes fear into the hearts of well-meaning, generous gents seeking the perfect Valentine's gift for their ladylove. Even if you know your woman well, your mind may go blank when faced with the variety of possibilities out there, especially for such an emotionally charged occasion -- and if the relationship is relatively new, you're at an even greater disadvantage. No matter what stage the relationship, the feminine mystique has a wily way of making it difficult to predict exactly how appreciated (or not) your gift will be.
To help you get started, the following are gifts you do NOT want to give her for Valentine's Day, lest you risk getting tossed out the door and out of her life forever:
Sports tickets: Even if she's as die-hard of a fan as you are, she's likely to cry foul. Aggression-laden, testosterone-filled events generally aren't conducive to sentimental moments, unless you're planning to propose -- or better yet, marry her -- at the game.
Vacuum cleaner: Hers may be broken, and something unidentifiable may be sprouting through the thick layer of dust on the carpet, but give her a Hoover on this day of romance and you just may find yourself with its hose wrapped permanently around your neck. Likewise, any other "gift" associated with housework should be avoided at (and despite) all costs.
Health-club membership: No matter how positively you present it, and no matter her weight or body type, she'll infer that this is your way of telling her she's fat. Guaranteed. Don't do it.
Porn: Tread carefully here. Your lady may be adventurous and open-minded, but if you don't know beforehand exactly what genres of "entertainment" she appreciates, you'd be better off including her in the selection process. In any case, under no circumstances surprise her with a video you made of the two of you, unbeknownst to her.
Gold-plated jewelry: If you can't afford the real thing, don't hazard turning her wrist green with a cheap bracelet. She can forgive you for being a pauper, but bad taste is inexcusable.
Fake flowers: They'll last longer than the jewelry, but you won't. At least she'll always have something to remember you by.
A 7-Eleven Gift Card: Sure, it's convenient, but why not save even more time (and imagination) by giving her cash instead?
Remember, your gift should in some way reflect how you feel about her, and not necessarily be what she could use in material terms. Practicality is not a top priority. Nor is it about how much you spend. And just because it's Valentine's Day, it doesn't have to involve flowers, jewelry or chocolates, either. (Though if you do give her candy, you might want to avoid the Wal-Mart brand.) Make it meaningful, even if you need to add another component to achieve that personal touch, such as a handwritten poem or letter, a special engraving, or even carving your initials and hers in the wrapping paper. Something. Whatever you give, if it speaks to her heart -- evokes a memory, reaches into the future, or celebrates the today you share -- it will be the perfect Valentine.
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