Sex is the glue that holds a relationship together. Women know that. Men live by that. Couples thrive on it. So if this is the case then, when you're ensconced in a relationship, sex should be extremely frequent. And sexy. And throw-down-get-your-clothes-off-right-now-cause-I-want-to-make-passionate-love-to-you-this-minute. In fact nothing should be off the menu: morning or night, in restaurant bathrooms, in public spaces, in recreational positions and in every room of the house.Right?
Well, unfortunately that's not the case for everyone. (Especially for long-term married couples with a couple of kids in tow).
A distressed women recently confided to me that she fears her relationship is going down the gurgler. Not because her and her boyfriend aren't communicating, don't see each other enough or because she's put on weight and he no longer thinks she's hot. Oh no ...
The fact is they sleep at one another's pads at least four times a week, he is incredibly romantic, calls when he says he will and best of all - they have the most incredible intellectually stimulating conversations. (Don't laugh - this can be an incredibly effective turn-on for many, including moi.)
Instead, she believes that her relationship is deflating faster than Tiger Woods's reputation because her once hot-to-trot sex life is suddenly dwindling down to a measly once a week quickie.
"He always says he's too tired. And when we do have sex he finishes in two minutes," she winces. "What does it mean?"
Red flag alert! Yep, it seems there's something fishy taking place behind the scenes. Especially because, as even Freud agreed, all men have a goal to have as much sex as they can - day, night and every moment in between if possible. So what's going on? Could he be sleeping with someone else? Is he depressed? Is he cheating on her? Is he gay?
(Just an aside, I recently watched the film The 40-Year-old Virgin about a character who refused to have sex for 20 dates with a woman he was mightily interested in because he was too scared he'd be rubbish in the sack. While his tale doesn't relate to this scenario, it seems that, when a man refuses to do the horizontal hanky panky, there's definitely something sinister going on but it's often extremely tough to decipher on your own.)
But that's her view. And mine. And we're women. So I thought we'd go straight to the source and ask a straight-talking male what's really going on when a man doesn't want to do it like he used to ...
WHY MEN DON'T ALWAYS WANT SEX (a male's opinion)
"OK ladies, let's just calm down ...
"Whatever society has perpetuated for last century is NOT a fact: men are not all dogs who want to have sex, eat, sleep and watch sports. Like most women (all women if you ask me) we can be moody, feel fat, get uncomfortable ... and, yes, lose our sex drive when tired!! SHOCKER, Men are not all porn stars!
"Some girls think this might mean cheating or a sign that he's gay ... well, you're SO WRONG. If a guy is gay, he would vomit when having sex with you and would never ask for a quickie. Here is a good gay test - check his computer for gay porn! Ask his buddies ... flirt with his buddies. Did he get jealous? If he didn't, he's probably gay.
"Also, cheating does not equal disinterest in sex. It just means he's getting extra sex ... and you're second on his list.
"Truth be told, men are a lot like women ... we have to be in the mood. Live with it, if you can't, look in the mirror and face YOUR insecurity ... not HIS!"
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