Ye Mere Deewanapan Hai I Sophia Abella

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Is it true that alpha males lifestyle a dying breed?

Brad Pitt calls himself Mister Mom. My male friend has more beauty products than the pampering section of David Jones. And more blokes are exfoliating, waxing and carrying around manbags than we'd like to know about.

No wonder the single women are complaining. "I just want a manly man!" is a common cry I've recently been hearing from frustrated women who are wondering what the hell happened to the hairy-chested, sports-playing, beer-sculling blokes of the world.

"Why are they suddenly all so girly and sensitive?" the women wonder in confusion. "It's like dating your female BFF!"

Despite the fact that, as women, we're more powerful, financially independent and fiscally stronger than ever before, there's still that nagging business of wanting to be with a man who is going to take care of us, support us, be the rock in our world and masculine enough to make us feel like a girl in his presence. (In fact, even the most alpha female women I speak to want just that: like mush in his big muscular arms.)

So, why is finding a manly man to cuddle and cook for such an arduous task? Why are all the men on Planet Dating such wusses? What the heck has happened to the blokey blokes?

Perhaps it's as artist Corita Kent once said, "Women's liberation is the liberation of the feminine in the man and the masculine in the woman."

And she's not the only one who thinks so. Apparently the alpha-dominating male is actually nearing extinction, or at least that's what psychiatrist and relationship expert Dr Paul Dobransky says.

"There's a combination of forces that has contributed to men being less masculine," he tells me over the phone.

"Economic factors have played a huge role as have technological advancements and of course the media, which focuses on empowering women and does nothing for men aside from berate them for being too alpha male. Where's the male Oprah?"

He says that, even a character such as Ari Gold from the hit TV show Entourage – although the ultimate alpha bloke – is condemned for his uber masculine politically incorrect behaviour. "He's a successful family man who doesn't cheat on his wife and acts like a man. Yet he gets shut down for it. So what does that say to modern men?"

Dobransky says the lack of masculinity amongst dudes is such a problem that he's made it his mission to give the men of the world a helping hand.

"In my seminars I teach men how to optimise their lives," he says. He explains that his seminars focus on two areas: success in one's career and success with women.

"If a man doesn't have game or skill with women, then he is crippled in his career. This is because his overall masculinity drives both areas of his life. If he does poorly in his career, he will see a diminishment in his success with women."

I ask him why it matters that much if men are getting less masculine. Because, here's the big question: if women are so independent these days, is there really a need for all this masculinity? If we're no longer in the stone age, do we really need to worry so much about scoring a bloke who is going to protect our tribe?

Or, perhaps it's as The Wall Street Journal recently reported in a story titled "Why Women Don't Want Macho Men" which said: "Women are no longer reliant on a man's genes or jobs to ensure the health and wealth of their children, women may come to value other qualities in a mate. It may become evolutionarily adaptive to prefer men who are co-operative, communicative, caring and better parents over traditional 'manly men'."

Yet Dobransky disagrees: "Who is going to fight the wars? Who is going to shoot the guns or do the nasty physical labour and the dirty jobs? And, most importantly, who are the women going to be attracted to? Because, while often women might complain about alpha male behaviour on the surface, deep down they want to be loved by a man who isn't going to wuss out at the first sign of hardship."

So how exactly can men become more masculine? Apparently by having a "man cave". As Dobransky explains: "Men need to have a den in their house, or their own bathroom, or a place where they can do their own thing without being interrupted. That is a primitive primal instinct in males. Without their cave, men feel injured."

When I laugh at this statement, he gets serious and likens my teasing to a man making fun of a woman's big butt.

"A woman cares how she looks. It's hurtful to be criticised about her body. That's how a man feels when his territory is taken away or his career is criticised. He feels exactly like she feels when her body is criticised."

Right. Anyway, back to the alpha male becoming instinct argument. Yes, I want an alpha male to look after me, protect me, provide for me, be strong when times are tough and be the man around the house. But I also want a man who isn't afraid to cook, watch Eat, Pray, Love, talk about his feelings and not be afraid to be a Mister Mom in the future.

Does this mean that all this de-alpha-male stuff has actually served us well? Only time will tell ...

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