At The Boys' Club: Scary Girlfriend Behaviors

Clingy. High maintenance. Pushing boundaries. Mates with her ex. It seems that while we're often preoccupied in this column with naming and shaming the myriad douchebag behaviours of men - such as bonking and fleeing (without a phone call), doing a Tiger Woods on their wives (OK, so perhaps not that extreme but you get the picture), or quite simply forgetting to pick up their socks off the floor (you'd be surprised at how catty some women can get when smelly laundry is involved) - we forget about the things women do to upset men.

For years I thought that, once you met the man of your dreams, stopped playing text message games and actually agreed to settle down together, playing the role of "girlfriend" would be the easy part.

After all, ask any singleton and they'll be quick to snort that finding a man in the first place is the tough part thanks to the "man drought", rampant casual sex and commitment-phobic blokes who toss you aside like a used piece of gum.

I thought that, once you were officially the girlfriend, you could let down your hair, wipe off that sticky lip gloss (which men secretly hate), start hanging out in your sweat pants and ugg boots and everything would be hunky dory, chocolate dipped strawberries and sensual foot massages for all eternity. Surely it should get easier from thereon in … right? Apparently not ...

I'm often stopped in the streets by people begging me to listen to their relationship conundrums. Whether they're single, married, de facto, dating, booty-call bonking – whatever – I'm often shocked, sometimes traumatised and always amused to discover some of the bad behaviour that occurs within seemingly happy relationships that look perfect from the outside.

But what recently had me bamboozled is something I discovered about the fairer sex and their behaviour when the initial courtship wears off.

I was first made aware of this when my gay hairdresser friend regaled me with stories about a few of his female clients – all smart, professional, gorgeous career women – who had been exhibiting a certain decorum (or rather lack thereof) towards the gents they'd been seeing before they promptly got dumped.

This sort of behaviour is known as SGB, or Scary Girlfriend Behaviour.

"These women don't understand that they got dumped because they are just too difficult to deal with," he warned me.

"Single girls these days need to come across as being low maintenance as possible and easy to be around – especially in long-term relationships. Because, trust me, I see it all the time; the men who are stuck in relationships with women who are impossible to please will quickly start looking for a way out."

This got me thinking about some of my own awful SGB. My latest memory is of the time I got drunk at my best girlfriend's 30th birthday party and ended up staying out until four in the morning. Which is all well and fine, but the following day my boyfriend at the time had organised a surprise romantic getaway together for our monthsarry. (I ended up stuck in bed for the entire trip.)

And that wasn't the only case. I think back and realise that I often put my girlfriends before my man, was away for work on his birthday (twice) and was too busy with my own life to worry about making much effort in his.

But according to a recent story for male web portal Ask Men, my behaviour isn't as bad as some can get. There's stalking, introducing herself to his family and friends behind his back, getting a key to his house made without him knowing, getting physical when arguing, and the top SGB trait - not letting him break up with her.

A gent who I spoke to the other night was in the opposite predicament. He told me that, while he recently got dumped by a girl for being "too nice", (what she really meant was that he might have been displaying personality traits of a beta male), he wished he would have had the guts to dump her first, considering she displayed first class symptoms of SGB.

When I asked him why the heck he didn't do something about it at the time, and how in the world he let it go on for an entire year, he told me this:

"I'm a tyrant in the office. I pull up my team constantly on their S#$%. But with her, and with women in general, I just can't do it. I'm a nice guy. It's just not me."

Are women any better at pulling at the male bad behaviour? Or do we always give the guy another shot?

In the past few months, I've heard (and lived through) some horror stories with men and have decided that, since so many women are so darn desperate for a man, they're actually slightly more forgiving than the blokes when it comes to scary boyfriend (or first date) behaviour.

In case you're wondering what the men have done oh-so-wrong, here's a list I've compiled of some pretty bad blokey behaviour that I've recently witnessed. And all the women who've experienced any of it ... have all gone back for second helpings ...

* Telling you you're being immature for not sleeping with him after two weeks of dating.

* Pretending there's an after-party at his house to get you back to his empty room.

* Finding another woman's toothbrush in his bathroom … AFTER you've slept with him.

* Ringing his mate in front of you and saying: "She's made it quite clear she isn't going to put out so I'll meet you at the Commodore Bar in fifteen."

* Conveniently forgetting his wallet after asking you out for dinner and choosing the priciest restaurant in the city.

* Telling you that he's deciding between you and another girl ... with topless pictures of her to prove it.