Last week, there was a hullabaloo over a recent study of women in their 20s carried out by More magazine, which discovered that women believe the ideal age to get married is 26. (Say what!?) And after a quick nip over at Google, it seems that everyone from 17-year-old Miley Cyrus to 29-year-old Kim Kardashian to the average working girl is desperate to tie the knot. Many women I speak to make no secret of the fact that they are on the perpetual hunt for "the one". Cries of "I just want to meet my husband!" can be heard ricocheting across the office water cooler as single girls band together in search of the bloke who's going to buy them a diamond and say his "I dos" sooner rather than later.
But over on the other side of the nuptial coin, bitter marrieds and jaded spouses are grappling with another conundrum: how to deal with a marriage that doesn't seem to be all chocolate dipped strawberries ...
"If only I'd known ... " they say with a sigh. Well, yes. But if only they'd known what?
I decided to poll a bunch of marrieds and singles to determine what they'd wish they'd known before accepting the ring, waltzing down the aisle in a sparkling white dress and declaring they were going to be with one person for the rest of eternity.
Their responses ranged from "I wish I'd known how much money she was going to take when we got a divorce" to "I wish I'd known how bad the sex was going to be" to "I should have done it sooner!" Hmm. Talk about mixed messages.
To get more of an understanding about what are the most important things we should have known before tying the knot, I reviewed a psychologist John Aiken, author of Accidentally Single.
These were his his insights:
You need to find yourself before you tie the knot
"Finding yourself means learning to be the person you want to be rather than what you think your partner wants you to be. That means being able to have independent friends and interests, being comfortable saying 'no' and expressing differing opinions, being honest with your emotions and continuing to pursue your own goals and dreams."
Don't expect they will change
"Expecting change in your partner is a hazardous position to come from. It suggests that the person you're with needs ongoing work to fall into line with your expectations. Instead, it's better to embrace the other person and all their quirks and work together as a team. If change does happen, then it's a bonus."
Be open about money
"Trying to protect your finances from your partner creates separation, resentment and secrets. Instead, it's vital to be transparent and honest with all your money, get on the same page about financial goals, and spoil each other when you get the chance!"
Be prepared for kids changing everything
"Having kids changes the way you relate to the world around you. It means joining a parents' club and getting advice and help from total strangers, getting smiles from parents/grandparents of all ages, being seen as safe and trustworthy by members of the opposite sex, knowing how to talk to kids on the bus that you've previously avoided, helping young parents on planes with their difficult children, working a full day on two hours' sleep, and spending hours of the day looking at your newborn!"
Don't let yourself go
"Neglecting your health and appearance means letting go of trying to keep the spark alive in your relationship. Instead, make a point of keeping in great shape, wear the clothes that turn your partner on, avoid binge drinking and partying too hard, put down the burger and fries and do some exercise. You have to work to keep your partner turned on and excited, regardless of how long you've been with them!"
The perfect marriage age (if there is such thing!)
Just in case you think you desperately need to tie the knot before you reach your 30th birthday, New York-based dating writer Vonda G. Nelson has come up with 30 good reasons as to why it's not a good idea to get hitched before you reach the dirty thirties.
Her reasons include giving yourself "time to grow" and says that "before turning 30, living life in your 20s allows you to know you. Your likes, dislikes, desires, passions, everything that makes you the mature man or woman. So that when you do enter a relationship, you enter one that allows you to be true to you as well as your partner, making your relationship less stressful and life more relaxing."
She also advises finding a stable job, doing loads of travelling and enjoying the single life. But she warns against wasting too much time sowing your wild oats with loads of casual sex and amorous nights out.
"You shouldn't be having unprotected sex with someone who isn't marriage material ... yeah yeah yeah ... it happens to all of us, but be on top of your game and try not to slip up! Soon you will be wondering; how in the hell did I get caught up in this, I didn't sign up for this, I was suppose to be having fun, now you are miserable, broke and only 25."
Enough said...
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