The games men play

The other day a friend of mine whom we'll call Diana, met a man at a bar. He was cute, muscular and tanned. He told her he was a banker. He bought her a drink. They talked for hours. She felt a connection. When he rang her the next day, she was elated. They set a dinner date for a week later. After two days of riveting conversation, he said he had to see her that night. She was flattered. At the bar that night he said he had a confession to make. Dark thoughts ran rampant through her mind. Was he married? Was he gay? Did he have an STD?

"I'm not really a banker," he told her. "I'm in sales. Are you going to leave now?" She didn't. But she wasn't impressed either.

"What the hell is up with modern men and all their games?" she asked me the following day. "I mean seriously. Lying about their job to impress a woman? Is it now about the size of their career not their brain or their hands? What's the deal?"

Ask reader Kyle says that Diana isn't the only one getting duped by modern men pretending to be something they're not.

"I believe most men are not truthful about salaries or their position in companies," he tells me. "But that's not the only thing they're lying about. Men are lying about their past and even their current relationships. They are propping themselves up in the hope of impressing."

Kyle reckons that women don't do it as much as men because, quite frankly, they don't have to considering men are visual creatures and all. "We judge a woman by what we see, not what we hear."

Which is probably why so many men have long complained to me that, when they first meet a woman, they, too, find it difficult to ascertain the real her. They find it very difficult to deal with the real her when they wake up the following morning to find out the layers of fake tan, heavy make-up and high heels have all but been removed.

But, with the tables turning and the men putting on their manipulating faces, it's the women who are turning red-faced the following day. Unfortunately a myriad unsuspecting women believe the lies. Why? Because they have to. Because society says that a good man is hard to find. Because they fear there's a Man Drought that will hinder their chances of ever meeting "the one". As demographer Bernard Salt says to warn women from being too picky: the chance of meeting him is one in 100!

Yep, many women today are willing to believe anything that is dished out if it means she doesn't have to spend another lonely night watching Gossip Girl reruns and eating take-out for one.

So what exactly are the games being played by men?

In a book The Chase, a very real depiction of the games one man named Patrick was playing with a number of women. I was fascinated when he regaled me with his week-long dating diary and the reasoning behind his games, which went along these lines:

"Women think I'm an asshole because I don't text them back or take them out for dinner," he said. "But I've never lied to get a woman into bed. And I've never promised anything beyond that. I'm actually a really nice, honest guy."

Patrick's sexual schedule

Wednesday, 2pm: Meet Girl #1 walking on the street. She is gorgeous, 27. I put my number on her scooter. She calls later that day. I ask her for dinner on Friday night. She agrees.

Friday, 9pm: Take Girl #1 for dinner and drinks. I bump into Girl #2, who I had sex with last week, having dinner at same restaurant. I tell Girl #2 that I'm at a work dinner. She believes me. I go home and have sex with Girl #1.

Saturday, 10am: Wake up hung over. I kick out Girl #1. After she leaves, I call Girl #2 and she invites me to her place.

Saturday, 3pm: Watch a DVD at Girl #2's place. We have sex.

Saturday, 10pm: At the club I spot Girl #3. We have kissed before. She tells me she's there specifically to see me. We go to the bathroom together and she gives me a blow job. While she's doing it, she stops and tells me she's been thinking and she doesn't want to be like every other girl. I tell her she thinks too much. Shortly afterwards she leaves.

Sunday, 3am: Girl #4 is flirting with me at a club. She tells me she likes me. I ask her if she wants to get out of there. She obliges but says she doesn't want to have sex. Instead she asks me if I want to meet her for lunch the following day. I laugh and tell her I just want to spoon anyway, so we go back to her place. We spoon for two minutes and then we have sex.

Sunday, 11am: Wake up with a hang over in Girl #4's bed. I am desperate to get the hell out of there and go home to a warm shower and put on clean clothes.

Monday, noon: Wake up alone, satisfied and content. And then I find myself thinking about my ex-girlfriend - the one who was the love of my life. The one I dated for four years before all this nonsense. I wonder if we'll ever get back together.

Aside from all the dual-dating and fornicating, other games men play include the following:

The love god

He lays it on thick, heavy and filled with lust and promise, even though you met him only a couple of days ago. He tells you how much he's into you, that he's never met anyone like you and leaves you feeling dizzy with pheromones running through your veins. A month later ... and he's gone as quickly as he arrived. No goodbye email or post-it note in sight.

The commitment-phobe

He wants things to be as "casual" as possible. He never calls when he says he will. He's always mysterious as to his whereabouts and he seems to have as many girls on his speed dial as notches on his belt. He pulls you in and spits you out, while you are still under the pretence that you're going to be the one to change him for good. Newsflash: no woman ever will.

Mr Mind Games

Reader Elsie says he's the bloke who is "telling you one week that you are his 'girlfriend' and doing all 'girlfriend' stuff like attending family events etc, and then the next week taking it back saying they don't want to get 'too serious'. And then repeating the process all over again!"

Diana concurs, and says that this dude is a master at putting on the waiting game.
"No matter how keen he is to call you or see you, he will curb his enthusiasm when you are first dating." She also says that men play mind games because they feel "emotionally insecure". And with that, I think she's right on the money.

In conclusion, I leave you with this: it takes two people to play a game. Could it be that perhaps, at the end of the day, we're all just playing the game?