"Dating is like prostitution," said a newly single man to the dinner table the other night. The awkward silence that followed made it clear to him that he’d seriously put his foot in his mouth (especially since half the table were single... and the fact that I was fervently taking notes as he spoke should have been a clear giveaway), but he was oblivious to our disdain and simply continued on with his tirade in attempt to justify his statement:
"The last woman I took on a date demanded I take her on at least five dates before she’d even consider going back to my house … And at around $50-$100 a pop, that means I’m basically paying for sex – whether I get it or not."
The women at the table (including moi) weren't impressed.
"I’m single and I feel that I deserve to be taken out a few times before I sleep with someone,” retorted a 35-year-old single woman.
"True. It doesn’t have to be to super-expensive nice places, but how else will you get to know a person and work out their true intentions without going on a few dates?" replied a 28-year-old singleton.
"What's wrong with wanting to be wined and dined before hitting the sack with a complete stranger?" lamented a third.
While the women all made good arguments, the reality of this sad situation is that modern blokes are become increasingly afraid of single women. Tell the gents there’s one such creature somewhere in the room and he’ll instantly attempt to analyse her behaviour, decipher her body language, work out how desperate she is, how loudly her biological clock is ticking and how quickly he might be able to get her back to his place. Then he’ll stereotypically place her into one of three categories (and depending on his mood he'll either strike it lucky, or strike out):
* The feisty, independent bitch who purports not to need a man
* The desperate, dateless singleton who will do anything for a first date, and
* The nonchalant, non-dateable gal who doesn’t want to talk to a man, let alone ever go home with one ... at least not anytime in the next decade.
"There's so much wrong with single women in this city," men so often tell me. Like what? I often wonder. The fact that we truly are independent? Seriously looking for love and not just a casual fling? Can't be mates with a man without him wanting sex? Or that it's impossible to even be taken out for a laid-back dinner date with being labelled a prostitute? Yikes.
According to dating guru Becky Ellis (who writes for the website yourtango.com), there are five key things men complain about when it comes to single women: Our apparent flakiness, over-the-top independence, being in the habit of only dating bad boys (and incessantly complaining that there are no nice guys available), having a biological clock (puh-please) and doting way too much over our pets for their ego to stand it.
I was hoping my own poll would provide more positive answers, but face-to-face, the men seem to have let it rip:
"Women have lengthy Checklists"
Whether it’s the amount of money a man earns or the size of his bits, men complain that too many women harp on about what qualities (and body parts) the man they desire should embody. The problem with these lists, say the men, is that it becomes all about what women want.
"They don’t work at trying to have anything to offer back,” complains Ben. “It’s all about what we can offer them. And that gets kind of frustrating, and rather boring.” Sure, it's good to have standards. And criteria. And to know your own worth. But when it comes down to it, relationships are about chemistry, connection and two people being compatible. And even I reckon that's impossible to put down on paper.
"She must be single for a reason ... and that's a turn-off"
Whether it be a toxic ex who they can’t forget, their addiction to bad boys, or whether they’re simply deluded as to what a real relationship entails, (yes, it's not all romantic dinners and flashy bunches of roses), red flags immediately pop up when a man discovers a woman’s been single for a little too long for comfort. They begin to wonder if it's truly her, and not the men she dates, that is the common denominator for a string of unsuccessful unions.
Says Ivan: “Meeting someone single and new always involves some 'caution'.” He also says that too many single women have “Disney-induced” nonrealistic expectations when it comes to sizing up the men they meet. “After many unsuccessful attempts, many of those women then become bitter and whiny, which then makes them less appealing to the men they actually do like ... it’s bittersweet irony.”
"She's dated my mate ... or has too many previous partners"
Says Geoff: “It’s a similar experience to buying a used car at auction, preferably you want one owner with low kilometres on the clock. The reality being you never know where it’s been and how many drivers have been there for a test drive before you came along.” Double standards, perhaps?
"She's too available"
Yep, you guessed it: often single women don’t offer men enough of “the chase”. Instead too many women will give themselves up to the first dude with a credit card and a job on a silver platter without making him woo her, charm her or show his true colours before she hops into bed with him and declares he’s the one she wants to marry and be around for all eternity.
Which makes me wonder if perhaps the bloke at the beginning of the story might have been right all along. But here's the catch: unless a man pays his dues, should he really deserve to reap all the rewards? I'm not so sure we should make it so easy ...
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