Elin Nordegren was an idiot not to have had what she dubs the "husband checklist".
Watson cites author Lori Gottlieb who says in her tome, Marry Him: The Case for Settling For Mr Good Enough, that we should just "settle" rather than have too many expectations. She also quotes author Joanna Trollope who writes, "People have to throw away this absurd Vera Wang shopping list which says of a man that he has to earn £100,000 a year, that he has to be able to cut down a tree, play the Spanish guitar, make love all night and cook me a cheese souffle." However, Watson says women actually need to have a list of rigid rules if they want to find happiness in the long run ...
Watson says the list must comprise the following stringent criteria: the man must "genuinely like women", have some male friends from way back, be kind, not be gay, be capable of "equating love with responsibility", have passion, pride and the same attitude to sex, money and family as you. She also says that "infidelity is not a deal-breaker for everyone" but says "being willing to sell your last ounce of self-respect definitely is".
Watson's article reminded me of some advice imparted by Father Pat Connor, who was introduced to us via Maureen Dowd of The New York Times in a story titled "An Ideal Husband". In the story, Dowd explained that Australian-born Connor, a 79-year-old Catholic priest, had been giving lectures to women about whom not to marry for the past 40 years. Since then Connor's advice has ricocheted through single female circles faster than a new type of painless bikini wax.
Now he's released a book on the subject, titled Whom Not To Marry, which tells women how to weed out the bad seeds and know a good one when they see it. While Connor agrees with Watson on some points, (for instance, "never marry a man with no friends"), he also says that one should never marry a man who makes you feel bad about yourself, cannot say "I love you", doesn't know how to hold down a job and who is cruel - either emotionally or physically.
He also says that couples who marry for less than ideal reasons are in trouble. "Marriage is like a cafeteria," he writes. "You take what looks good to you and pay for it later."
When women ask me how to find the perfect man, I often find myself agreeing with Watson and Connor and exclaiming that they should create a list: a list of the qualities they would like to see in their man. Yet I always tell them that I need to see the list before they print it off, stick it under their pillow or put it on their mirror and ruminate over it each day.
What I find on that list usually astounds the hell out of me.
Common "shopping list" criteria include something to do with his height, his looks, his bank balance and their sexual compatibility.
"You need to focus on his qualities and his character," I say, mentally ripping their list to shreds and shoving it down the incinerator. "Start again. Did you really dump your last boyfriend because he was too tall for you? I think not."
By the time the women are finished with their list, they usually contain words such as kind, generous, good job, a certain height, likes to go out and is outdoorsy.
The trouble with "the list" is that it sounds rather like my ex-boyfriend. And a whole lot of ex-boyfriends out there. Because, in reality, there's no such thing as a boyfriend on paper. All sorts of other criteria come into play when prince charming emerges in the flesh. Such as love, mutual respect, connection and chemistry. And unfortunately you can't define chemistry on paper ...
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