This is where a matter of opinion rests, not judgment, that is no one can say what is right and what is wrong for another person, and we will all handle our affairs in a way that we see fit and best at the time. So long as all things are done with compassion I say. This is just something to consider...let me add, please forgive the simplification of all this. This is an ideal.
In writing about opening up to a future spouse I have this also this to add, "What world do I live in?" yes me, my world apart from all others, as if I were alone, "What is best for my world?". Sounds "selfish" perhaps, but it ultimately is not, one must be "selfish" enough so as to consider the happiness of all we love.
Because, we create the world we live in, if we are not in tune with who we are or selfish enough to know ourselves, and we are in a way where we reflect the expectations and emotions and approval of all, even our spouses, at the expense of our own, we fall victim to such "giving" decisions such as marriage to a person when we are so incomplete and disconnected.
Under such circumstances we all know of the potential catastrophy that can result, along with its mediocre existences. Yes we may be married by now, but should that philosophy now alter, why? Must I only be partially complete for my love once I have discovered myself? And would that be any good? Bare with me.
Marriage for me is not a martyrdom, nor is it a possession. I own no one and no one owns me. Yes, that certainly does leave me open to the whims of another philosophically, but the reality is we are anyway. But more inportantly, it leaves me open to be loved truly and completely for who I am and not what I am expected to be, for my love loves me for free. With that idea, would I also not be more likely to give my love the same in return?
I do not believe in that kind of compromise, where we must soften what we are or withhold truth any longer to spare a loves feelings. Feelings have a way of sticking around with such compromise, because the ground under which we stand is soft! Sounds harsh, but faith is what I had to learn in my loves ability to understand. Faith that one could see past their fears eventually, to make a choice of what is good for us both. My job? To just stick around and let them know I am not going anywhere.
Yes it could be a great upheaval and I dont say that lightly. But no life is without drama and I will not stop myself because prison, and a diluted life is a drama too, because for me the cost is far greater then finding my love leave me for something else better for them, and again faith in the process of truth is a surprising thing, with many ups and downs sometimes, but never ultimately regreted for itself.
Freedom next to love, is the most important thing to me even within a marriage. Not the kind that has no regard, or care, that is not love. But as difficult as it may seem, I for one would comply if my love wanted to build a ladder to the moon, I just might even hand them a hammer. It is not my place to tell my love who they are, it is only my place to accept it or not. If they change can I ask them to only be 50% of what they are? Not me, I wont do it, personally I don't feel I have the right, and secondly I don't want 50% of a person. If I don't like it, that unfortunately IS my problem, and yes I must make a choice and will. But then again, in such a place I can also build a ladder to Venus, and what can my love tell me but, "do it honey"?
So you see for me it is all about the nature of the relationship and what we think relationships are. It is a conscience matter, left to the individual, because there are no rules in love. How I see it, I want 100% of my love, not just for me but for the relationship itself, and my loves happiness, how can I claim to want that for someone if I wont let them fully and completely be. To have a fraction of the one I love facing me, would frankly leave me cheated, and left with that all to familiar feeling that one is living a diluted experience.
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