What do modern women want out of their relationships? A man who plays games? Or a man who is straight up and honest? More sex, or more foreplay? And what about when it comes to romance? While, if Freud was alive he'd still be scratching his head on this one, the question has many flummoxed, including the editors of lads' mag Esquire. Hence it's prompted them to carry out a poll on the subject. And after quizzing about 10,000 women, they seem to have come up with quite a simple answer to it all: chivalry is back with a vengeance ...
Seventy two per cent of woman polled want a man to open the door before they enter a room; 42 per cent want him to pay the bill, and 10 per cent want him to stand up as they leave the table. (Say what!?) When it comes to gifts, diamonds are no longer a girl's best friend, with 81 per cent of respondents saying they'd choose a holiday over jewellery and lingerie any day. And in the bedroom, almost half of all women wouldn't mind receiving a little oral sex from their man "once in a while".
But what about when it comes to long-term relationships? While the study doesn't cover them, the truth is that, despite the common belief that all women want a man who looks like Brad Pitt, who can make love to them all night like a runaway train and has more money than Gordon Gekko, most women know that, along with it all, comes an equally inflated ego.
Big bits between his legs don't necessarily mean better sex (it's what he does with them that counts), while big muscles indicates he probably spends more time in front of the mirror than she does.
Of course all women have their own set of preferences: blond v brunette, muscly v lean, outgoing v humble, but some common traits include variations and combinations of the following:
Be supportive
As much as men abhor "the talk" more than chewing their own toenails, the fact is women need to talk. About work, their girlfriend's latest break-up, their bad haircut, their abhorrent boss or the time their ex-boyfriend hooked up with their BFF. How much you (men) listen is the litmus test that women use to judge how supportive you are. And here's a news flash: as blokes you don't actually have to talk back. In fact the less you say, the better chance you've got of not having your balls chopped off. Men simply have to listen (or at least pretend to listen), offer a few short snippets of advice, smile, nod, frown and then continue to listen until the woman is all done. And not a minute sooner.
Make her feel safe
These days, with sexual appetites running rampant and the casual sex generation in full swing, women are being pashed and then dashed from like a used piece of gum.
Biologically, this doesn't fly with the female sex. The theory goes as follows: a woman gets one egg a month (as opposed to a man who makes millions of sperm). Hence biologically she needs to be mightily picky. And she needs to feel safe with whoever the man is that she chooses to be with, otherwise there's not going to be much action in the bedroom. (Which is why the pick-up artists have studied techniques on how to make a woman feel safe instantly so that she'll agree to come home with them the very night they meet her. And apparently it works like a charm!)
Generous in bed
I'm not talking about sharing your bowl of ice cream or midnight bowl of noodles. I'm talking about giving a little more than you expect in return. Oh, and by the way, women discuss your sexual prowess in great detail over coffees or cocktails - so don't let your partner have nothing to boast about.
Be romantic
It doesn't take much to be romantic. If you can't afford the whole bunch of roses, pick one, tie a ribbon around it and write three words on a note - "thinking of you" will suffice. Seriously, for women, it's the thought that counts. And it's the surprise that counts too. Chocolate and flowers are all very well on her birthday. But how about giving them to her once in a while "just because"?
Tell us you love us
There are not many women out there who understand that men don't communicate about their feelings with their words. So, instead of declaring their love through their language, they do it through their actions. So ladies, next time you're thinking of berating your man over the fact that he hasn't said the "L" word since Seinfeld was on television, stop and think of the myriad acts he's done for you instead. For instance: did he take you out for a romantic dinner? Fix your computer? Cook you a meal? Take out the garbage without having to be asked? Men show their love rather than say it. And the quicker women learn to see the signs, the better. But here's a quick bit of advice for a man: it doesn't exactly hurt to tell her you love her once in a blue moon, just know that it doesn't count during sex ...
Be a team
You don't have to be by her side every waking hour, but when it's a wedding, birthday or end-of-the-year Christmas work function, just tag along. Men, feel free to miss your poker game or boozy night with the boys just this once. Otherwise don't be surprised if she ends up flirting with someone else just to spite you.
A good sense of humour
Please be able to take a joke. There's nothing worse than dating a bland bloke who takes himself way too seriously. It's boring, unappealing and incredibly unsexy.
Be willing to change
If she brings you home a new pair of pants or a different coloured shirt to that which you usually wear, don't get offended; be grateful that she's taking the time out to spend her hard-earned cash and shopping time on you. Wear it with a smile (when she's around) and boast to your mates that your misses actually saves you money by doing the shopping for you.
Commitment
Yes, our biological clock is ticking along. And yes, many women out there are marriage-obsessed crazies. But the fact is that all women love a man who isn't afraid to put his heart on the line and actually commit. To a date, a second date, moving in together, marriage - whatever. We're simply built that way to bond. Women know how difficult it is for you and realise the value of what you're sacrificing when you hand it over.
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