The Mating Game in the 21st Century

"Money and Sex: The Mating Game in the 21st Century!" screamed a headline from the online newspaper The Huffington Post the other day. Eager to see what the big fuss was all about, I clicked on the article but was quick to discover that it wasn't exactly as newsworthy as I had expected.

"Men look at women as sex objects; women look at men as success objects," declared B.J. Gallagher, the writer of the story. Yawn. Not this old argument again?

Gallagher continued: "Women like men who are generous with money; men like women who are generous in bed. A man fantasizes about a woman who'll rock his world in the sack; a woman fantasizes about a man who'll rock her world at Tiffany's. Both genders are looking for love ... For him, nothing says 'I love you' like good sex; for her, nothing says 'I love you' like financial security."

While I'm pretty sure Gallagher would like to have believed she was indeed making a colossal statement about the state of affairs pertaining to relationships in the 21st century, Dr Louann Brizendine, author of the bestselling books The Male Brain and The Female Brain (thankfully someone's finally attempted to give us a scientific explanation of the differences in our behaviours!) says none of this money and sex stuff is remotely innovative.

To find out more (and hopefully put a temporary end to the battle of the sexes in this column). After all, haven't men wanted sex and women wanted money for centuries? Surely there was something a little deeper to it all? After speaking to her, I quickly discovered that indeed there was.

Brizendine explained that the female and male brains are very similar when they start out. "That is up until we're about eight weeks old when tiny testicles in the male start pumping out huge amounts of testosterone. This, then, marinates in his brain and increases the area of his brain in the hypothalamus, which scientists have dubbed 'the area for sexual pursuit'."

She explained that, while women have this area in their brains too, the one in males runs on 10 times more testosterone than that of the female brain … throughout a man's entire life.

So here's the scoop – if men even get a glimpse of a hot woman walking towards them on the pavement (even if they're enjoying a romantic meal with their hot girlfriend or wife at the time), their brains will automatically tell them to swivel around and take a good hard look. And all this occurs within one-fifth of a second of spotting a sexy woman who isn't their partner.

"It will take them one-fifth of a second to register whether she is sexually hot or not, and whether or not she is worth pursuing," Brizendine said.

But hold on gents – this isn't a get-out-of-jail-free card to perve on every woman who passes you by while your poor partner sits and ruminates over the lack of attention you're giving her. Oh no. Brizendine says this "man trance" (as she's dubbed it), happens on an unconscious level and, once it becomes conscious, it's time to swivel right back and stare deeply into your own babe's eyes.

"After one or two more seconds, once the conscious level is reached, he can put on the brakes. He can snap out of it once it reaches a level of consciousness. It's not a free pass for men but rather an activity in self-control."

So what's a gal to do?

Well says Brizendine, there's plenty. And it all starts with sex. And making him wait. For a minimum of two weeks, to be exact.

"I call it the 'two-week rule'," she said. "It takes two weeks for the human brain to make or break a new habit. So, if you want to become a habit to a guy, you have to be in his thoughts for two weeks and the way to do that is to not have sex with him for two weeks. And then at least you've got a chance of keeping his interest."

Oh yes, that old chestnut rearing its sexual head again: make a dude wait and you'll have him for all eternity. But before you jump down my throat for saying so (once again!), Brizendine swears to me that this theory is deeply embedded in the male brain. And yes, despite the modern go-girl attitude that will attempt to pretend this doesn't occur, it's actually a very real phenomenon.

"Males biologically are looking for women with a good reputation. It works this way because he wants to know that she'll be sexually faithful to him in the long run to ensure that her kids are biologically his." (By the way, in case you missed it, a shocking fact recently emerged that a whopping one in 25 fathers are unknowingly not raising their own biological children.)

"So if a woman sleeps with a man on the first night, even though she says it's an exception, biologically he won't believe her because the best predicator of future behaviour is past behaviour. Hence his "area of sexual pursuit" will make him decide to move on and find someone else. So the way to hold a man's interest is to let him know other things about you before you have sex with him so that he doesn't only have sex on his brain when he's with you.

As for the issue of women wanting men for their money? Surprise, surprise - it's our brains again that are hardwired to want this. Brizendine said: "Biologically, women are attracted to and need a strong man. They are hardwired to want a man who has financial resources because they need someone to support their offspring."

While men often complain to me that they think they'll never get a partner because they don't have enough money, perhaps I truly can't give them an answer, since the desire is actually in the female brain.

But one thing is for certain. When it comes to our brains, Brizendine has one caution: "Men have an area in their brain for sexual pursuit that needs to be used. Don't fool yourself otherwise" ...

What do you think?

Have a great weekend and happy dating!