My friends are constantly telling me that I'm fine just the way I am. Without a boyfriend. Single. So why do I sometimes find myself disagreeing? I'll tell you why.
Because I've recently moved into my own apartment. And taken up kickboxing. So I'm not exactly what you'd call a damsel in distress. But when a single girl has to take herself to Ikea and to pick up unassembled furniture in boxes on an unstable trolley that weighs more than a life-size replica of Hulk Hogan, and then have to assemble it herself (sans a tool kit), men suddenly appear to be mightily useful.
Not to mention that paying the mortgage and buying your own cocktails every single weekend get bloody darn expensive. Other than that, I'm doing just fine. Really.
Of course there are two types of single ladies: there's the Jennifer Aniston type who is perpetually on the hunt for a date, cries "poor me!" when she gets dumped yet again by another dude who used her for sex and never called on her birthday, and is still whingeing about the way her ex left her for another woman… five years ago.
Then there's the Cameron Diaz type – feisty, sexy, sassy and one step ahead of the perplexing male game. She's always alone; dancing alone, eating alone, surfing alone and makes it clear she prefers to be single than to have a man by her side stealing the limelight. Not that her life is devoid of men either. Oh no, these women know exactly how to catch 'em, keep 'em and then toss them aside like a used piece of gum in favour of the next hot bachelor who comes their way. The difference?
Many of these women are bona fide man-eaters, who, says one bloke, talk about men as men talk about steak - juicy pieces of meat to be picked, enjoyed and devoured before they move on to the next.
While life coach Alina B pooh-poohs the man-eater theory by claiming that these women just "use men as sport for their own egos", and do so "without consideration of love or the fact that a man is human too and not fodder for her ex-lover revenge", I'm not convinced that they don't actually have the secret to men, love, and life.
They don't need men, men are simply accessories to their already fabulous lives, just like most men view women. And aren't those the types of women men are drawn to anyway?
Despite what anyone might say, it seems that man-eaters definitely have more fun that the rest of us, more options, more luck in the man-department and certainly, if nothing else, a darn good sex life.
And if what Newsweek once said (albeit in the 80s) rings true – that there is more chance of a woman in over the age of 35 getting killed by a terrorist than getting married? Well, then I think many might need to step up with some attitude.
But I still wonder: in a world in which competition among women all vying for the last remaining single heterosexual bloke on the block is more fierce than an AFL grand final … is it better to be a man-eater or a timid girl?
Kathryn Eisman, the bestselling author of How To Tell A Woman By Her Handbag and host of the US TV show The Timid Girl's Guide To Life, says that, while man-eaters usually know how to get the guy, at the end of the day women who push men around are very unattractive.
"There are ways of getting a man's attention in a playful and empowered manner and that doesn't involve a padded bra!" she says.
Her suggestions for timid girls wanting to get in on the action include:
- "Separate yourself from the 'pack'- even the most confident guy will be intimidated if you're surrounded by a group of cackling chicks. Yet women often travel in herds and wonder why no poor guy has started talking to them. Go get a glass of water from the bar alone if you have to!
- "You can pick which men pick you up. It's simple. To make a man aware of your presence and your potential interest, all you need to do is direct a little attention towards them with a look. I call it the '3 second rule'. Coyly look over in his general direction without staring directly at him. Once you feel his eyes on you, give him a quick smile and look away. Do this twice and if he's remotely interested it's only a matter of time before he approaches you.
- "Once he does, don't freak out! If you're nervous talking about yourself, just ask him questions about himself. Trust me, it's his favourite topic.
- "If things get awkward, don't start gabbing about your mother's blind cat. Collect yourself and joke about the situation. Humour is the ultimate ice-breaker."
Next month I have a wedding. It will be the first function I've attended alone in almost a decade. Instead of being fearful, I've decided I'm going to channel Cameron Diaz. Dancing alone will never have looked so good…
Oh, and in case you're wondering if men really are that useful at all, I've put together a list of things that they really are useful for (orgasms not included!):
* Assembling things from Ikea
* Carrying heavy items
* Foot massages
* Cuddles
* Sundays – the loneliest day of the week
* Bringing you chicken soup when you're sick
* Borrowing their car when yours is at the panel beaters
* Deflecting creepy blokes at bars who try to crack on to you
* Being a date at your cousin's wedding
And just in case you're still wondering … no I'm not a man-hater, a man-eater or a man-dependent woman … I'm just trying to work out how much of a role they should really play in a single girl's life … especially when some of them don't even pay for dinner on the first date …
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