Even before Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie started to film the upcoming Hollywood blockbuster The Tourist, Depp's girlfriend Vanessa Paradis allegedly declared she didn't want it to happen. Her reasoning? It seems she was concerned about the fact that Depp and Jolie were set to star together in a mightily steamy love scene ... and Paradis knew all too well what would happen if Jolie were to get her claws into her beau. While most male actors seem to be a priapic bunch, (especially when it comes to Jolie and her much talked-about man-claws), this got me thinking about a question I often get asked by readers of both sexes: should married people (or people in long-term relationships) have friends of the opposite sex? And should women such as Paradis - who has been dating Depp for 12 years and has two kids with him - be allowed to put a halt to a friendship should they be concerned it could get inappropriate? ...
The public reaction to Paradis's man-foot-stamping has been mixed. Some say "go girl!" to her for standing up for herself. Others say "to hell with what your partner says!" and claim that one should be able to be friends with whomever they desire, opposite sex or not.
Recently CNN news tackled the subject in a story titled, "Should Your Wife Have Guy Friends?" with the findings being a little inconclusive. Hence I decided to seek out the expertise of psychologist John Aiken, author of the new book Accidentally Single ...
Me: Should married people or people in a relationship have friends of the opposite sex?
John: Yes - absolutely! Married people can have healthy friendships with members of the opposite sex. It's not the friendship itself that's a problem - but rather if there are any strong sexual feelings between the two of you or inappropriate behaviours (e.g sexual touching, exclusive catch-ups, secrets, etc). If this sounds familiar and you're guilty of this, then you need to leave it alone. Otherwise - enjoy!
Me: They say platonic friendships can never work. Does one person ALWAYS fall for the other?
John: No, that doesn't have to happen, as long as you watch boundaries and don't cross over the line. For instance, if you're touching each other inappropriately, talking about issues in your marriage, calling each other pet names, meeting up exclusively and keeping secrets then it's much more likely that someone is going to fall for the other.
Me: What do you advise your clients?
John: If you're single and you have feelings for the married person I say keep away or at least dramatically limit your contact with them and put in place strict boundaries so that you don't cross the line. If it's the married person with the feelings, I tell them to end the friendship and start dealing with the problems that are going on in their own relationship.
Me: Can you ever see it working?
John: Yes - hot single friends are fine to have in your life if you're married as long as you keep putting your married partner first, you keep clear boundaries with your friends and you avoid secrets or lies.
Q: What do you think? Should married people or those in relationships be allowed to have friendships with those of the opposite sex? Do you think Depp should be allowed to do the sex scene with Angelina or do you think his girlfriend has a right to panic?
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