Actress Jennifer Love Hewitt is terrified of being single again. The Ghost Whisperer star recently penned a dating survival guide titled, The Day I Shot Cupid: Hello, My Name is Jennifer Love Hewitt and I'm a Love-aholic.. Her advice for women ranges from "don't take a diuretic before a date", to "give your vibrator a name" and "don't call six times to confirm plans". Oh, and don't worry if he's late picking you up either. But the one rule you need to follow according to Hewitt? "Don't get on a scale while you're not worrying that you're being stood up."
Considering Hewitt has recently had a string of unsuccessful relationships, she may soon be facing her worst fear. (But hey, celebrities can do anything they want, right?) But perhaps she's onto something.
Singletons are doing it tough. Singletons are battling with all the mixed messages and they need help. So I've spent the weekend searching for the answers to those eternal dating problems ...
How do you meet someone of the opposite sex? What do you say? Who talks first? Do you go for the I'll date anyone approach? Do you ask friends to set you up with anyone that has two legs and no criminal record? And if you do meet someone - then what?
The opinions I've collected range from the simple (just smile and say hi), to the ridiculous (I date guys I meet on the internet seven days a week), to the really ridiculous (I have a casual sex buddy so I don't need to worry about meeting someone).
One man named Elton tells me he's been studying the methods of pick-up artists for the past five years. He's come up with a theory that concludes meeting through friends isn't always the best way to go.
"We are a tiny pea in a pod. Our pod is like our circle of friends, and that's the only people we really get to meet and hang out with. But in reality, we are a pea in a very large world. Imagine that - you're stuck in your pod and there's an entire world out there of people to meet."
Instead of sticking with our own social circle, or always hanging out in clubs and bars, Elton recommends taking the time to talk to every woman you might be interested in. But he does stipulate that what you say during these encounters will make or break your chances. And he doesn't believe in "pick-up lines" either.
"I always observe something about her. If she has nice shoes, I'll say, 'those are weird shoes! Where did you get them?' And then we'll start having a conversation. If I'm in the grocery store line I'll mention something that's in her basket and make a joke about it. Like, 'Wow, that's the biggest banana I've ever seen'. That way women don't put their guard up."
Who speaks first?
By Elton's reckoning, it's not enough for a woman to just smile at a man. "Everyone smiles. Guys don't take that as bait anymore. You need to open your mouth."
Relationships guru Dr. Pat Allen has another theory about who should approach who. Her old-fashioned advice, reminiscent of the defining dating of of the '90s The Rules, stipulates that men should always make the first move. Her theories are based on the idea that in every relationship there needs to be a balance of masculinity and femininity in order for sparks to fly. And "since male energy is assertive and female energy is passive, the one who speaks first is male".
How do you know it's worth giving a chance?
I recently met a single and dateless gal in in her 40s named Joan who tells me that she's done a load of work on herself in her attempt to find a man. After going through therapy, and attending the weekly seminars with Dr. Pat in Los Angeles, she says she's learned how to be quicker at spotting the bad seeds.
"Now when I date guys, I know whether after three dates if it's going to be a waste of time or not. Then I can let them go and move onto the next."
Joan repeats Dr. Pat's mantra: "These days you must go out and hunt for romance with the same skill and determination you would muster to look for a job or an apartment".
Hunting for romance online
Real estate agent Harriet seems to be taking this mantra a little too far. She's currently on an internet dating site and finds herself going on six or seven dates per week.
"I need a personal assistant just to keep up with it all," she says. (She might just be in luck with the new website, onlinedatingassistant.com ... http://www.onlinedatingassistant.com/). The trouble with it all, she says, is that while she's dating a slew of men, she's hardly interested in any of them. "I'm in my late 30s and just can't get interested in any man unless he's recently divorced or unavailable. I think it's my way of protecting myself from ever getting hurt."
The perfect match
Perhaps Harriet should stop dating unavailables and go for a man who is older than her, dumber than her and from the same background as her.
Well, that's if new scientific research released a couple of weeks ago about what makes the perfect marriage, is anything to go by. According to a study published in the European Journal of Operational Research which polled 1074 couples aged between 19 and 75, there are three qualities that make a great relationship:
- Women must be at least 27 per cent smarter than the man and should hold a degree while he should not
- The man should be five years older
- They should share the same heritage
The leader of the research concluded this: "If people follow these guidelines in choosing their partners, they can increase their chances of a happy, long marriage by up to 20 per cent."
Twenty per cent? Maybe we should all stop our search right here and now. Or maybe we should keep on looking because a better partner / potential spouse might be the next person around the corner. And you'll never know until you try. Just don't forget to "bwark!"
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