What women don't like about single men

"Now you know why I'm still single," my thirty something girlfriend mused the other day as I complained about yet another disappointing date. "Single men are all the same," she continued. "I don't think I'm ever going to get married. And I'm OK with that. As long as I never have to date another douchebag again."

In last week's column, single men went to town over their complaints about single women, with gripes ranging from her being too picky to having too many pets to expecting to be paid for to too much baggage to being too precious about sex early on. ("What's the big deal?" say the men. "It's just sex!". Sure it is...)

Instead of countering the arguments, I've decided to try to analyse the men and discover just what it is about single men that gets a woman's knickers in a knot.

This is how it begins (or at least this is the scenario I witnessed the other night): When an announcement is made that there's a single bloke in the room, instead of trying to size him up for what he truly is or to create a list of all his bad points (like men so often do in the presence of a single girl), a woman will attempt to see the best in him. "He dresses nicely," she'll say. "So what does he do/how much money does he make/why is he still single?"

The answers (from those who know the bloke and from those who've dated him before) will come in fast and furious: "He's been married before/he cheated/he's a playboy/he doesn't want to commit … "

But this won't deter the single girl. Oh no. Instead, she'll be thinking just how delightful that all sounds and how eager she is to take on the challenge to change him.

Hence she'll go to town to try to get his attention (thrusting her bust out, showing a little leg, giggling at his jokes and getting incredibly drunk) while he sips on his Corona and puts her into a single girl category (the independent bitch, the desperate singleton or the non-dateable) sans a positive spin.

Yet here's the catch. While she desperately attempts to gain his attention now, wait till after a date (or two), a few unreturned phone calls and a slew of mixed messages when finally the rose-coloured glasses will slowly come off. And suddenly she'll be faced with everything that is wrong with the modern single man all wrapped up into one nice little (or big, depending what type of man you go for) package:

His ego
Boy, are men these days a sensitive bunch or what? Crush his delicate little ego and he'll either run for the hills or act out in some crazy way that will ensure you never consider him as future husband material again. The best way to crush a man's ego? Deny him sex. Whether it be on the first date or the seventh, many single men don't take lightly to being refused a little hanky panky. Even if they say they're OK with it. Even if they tell you they are keen to wait. Even if they deny the fact that they are only wining and dining you for one thing, you can bet your G-string their egos are going to take a thrashing.

That's not to say that you should jump into the sack with every man you want a second date with. Oh no. But perhaps deflecting his advances in a way that ensures his ego remains intact (by adding a compliment and telling him how much you like him but that you're just not ready) will ensure his ego isn't bruised too badly. And if he doesn't stick around, at least you discovered his true intentions sooner rather than later …

They give mixed messages
One minute they're holding your hand, gently kissing your forehead and inviting you to Hawaii, and the next they're telling you they don't want a girlfriend, aren't ready for a relationship and that you're coming on too strong. Say what!? While women are supposed to let the man take the lead in a relationship, leave it up to the gents and you're guaranteed to be bombarded with a bevy of mixed messages that screw with your head and leave your more perplexed than a Martin Scorsese movie. While men purport to be simple creatures who say it like it is, ask any single woman and she'll be quick to quip that single blokes are so darn confusing that they wish they'd come with an instruction manual.

They are set in their ways
When a man is single long enough, something extremely selfish happens inside his head. The word "compromise" is deleted from his lexicon and life becomes about his way or the highway.

Sure, he will tell you he likes to try new things and isn't opposed to hanging out with your gay BFF, but, at the end of the day, the older men get the less likely they are to change their scheduled weekly poker nights, the way they eat, dress, lie on the couch or let their dog sleep in their bed (even when you sleep over.)

And if you dare even try to suggest they do things a little differently, they'll complain that you're trying to change them, chuck a hissy fit and then tell their mates that you're just not the right woman for them no matter how good you looked at their cousin's wedding.

They are obsessed with their ex (or the one who broke their heart)
I don't care about the fact that men say they're unemotional creatures who move on after a breakup faster than a speeding crawfish. The reality is that men are more sensitive than they let on. If they've endured heartache or ego-bruising by an ex, you are going to pay for it ... as will every other future girlfriend.

In the past few weeks alone I've had one man tell me that if his "darling, sweetheart, good girl" ex-girlfriend managed to break his heart, how could he ever trust another woman again? I've had another man tell me that he was so scared of getting heartbroken again that he dumped his recent girlfriend who he dubbed the "perfect girl" two months into the relationship. She never saw it coming.

So unless you're dating a dude who has recently turned straight, chances are some girl somewhere along the way has ruined him for every future relationship. Don't try and set him straight, and don't say I didn't warn you.

They are Players
For many men, after being single for so long and getting more in tune with the way single women work, they have decided on one thing: stuff it. Hence they flake, tease, lie, chase, forget to text back and pretty much do whatever the bloody hell they want. And when the woman in question complains about such behaviour, the man doesn't want to hear a peep of it. Nor does he feel he has to. Why? Because since men have been told time and time again that there's a bona fide "man drought" situation going on, they think they're the ultimate catch simply because they wear Calvin Klein boxers and have a job. Sadly, many women believe it too and therefore are willing put up with it all of the above in fear they'll never meet another man again. Sigh …