Ten Dating Commandments

I hate rules. I don't diet, can't stand a schedule and the words "office hours" are non-existent in my lexicon. So you can imagine my disdain at being newly single and suddenly discovering more rules and regulations than if you were being recruited into the Secret Service. (Is it really all supposed to be that hard?)

There's booty call buddy etiquette (don't get jealous when they meet someone they actually like), casual dating regulations (don't whine when they don't call you), when to kiss (apparently not on the first date if you want a certain level of respect), what to say if you don't want a second date (without busting their poor egos) and when, how or what to text back. (Don't even start me on the text lingo!)

Oh, and don't even dare make a mistake or you'll be scoffed at and berated by well-meaning friends who quite simply cannot understand why the heck you (especially if you're a dating columnist) don't already know that you aren't supposed to tell him about the time your ex shagged your best friend or that you dumped your last date via a drunken text message. Oops.

"Don't you know this stuff by now?"' shocked friends will ask with a frown, appalled at your dating behaviour. "Isn't it obvious that you're not supposed to do that on the second date?" they'll continue, looking at you like an alien from another planet who has never met a person of the opposite sex before now and unsure of why you can't quite get your head around what a silly Facebook poke really means.

The more they laugh at your mistakes, the more confusing things get. Because here's the thing about following other people's rules in your own situations: their advice (laced with good intentions) might not be the best fit for your own scenario and pretty quickly you find yourself having to backtrack majorly just to get back on track again.

And the more mistakes you make, the more you actually start to believe that perhaps it's really you who is the freaking problem and not the douchebag men you choose - they're just reacting to your bizarre actions! And pretty soon you start to think that maybe you really are getting this whole dating thing wrong and that for some reason you missed the memo on how to behave in the town of singletons.
So what's a gal to do?

Aussie singer Am8er (real name Amber De Vogt) has an idea. Teaming up with US rapper 'Lil Kim, she's written a song that says if you want to keep a guy "whipped" and "coming back for more", then there are 10 dating commandments that should be followed stringently without swaying. Now while I don't agree with everything she says, (remember what I said about my abhorrence for rules?) perhaps some of her thoughts have some merit (especially since the blokes I've just interviewed actually didn't mind many of her commandments). So see what you think. Her commandments from her song lyrics are in bold, and a summary of the male opinions from the poll I took is below each...

1. Never give him some on the first night

"A little kissing is OK and a good tease for the future, but sex is a no-no. I could never seriously date a girl who sleeps with me on the first date."

2. Never bring your man around your crew

"At first, this makes sense but further into the relationship this is a big red flag. Either she's ashamed of her friends or of me, and neither is good."

3. Never call him first; let him call you

"I don't buy into rules about who should call or how long you should wait to call. If you like someone and you felt a connection, don't play games and call when you feel the urge. Having said that, don't call first thing in the morning the next day after the first date."

4. Never let him know your every move

"This cuts both ways and, really, you should never let anyone know your every move. Having independence is a healthy thing."

5. Never tell him about your past

"There are some things you share and some things you don't. It isn't about hiding your past but letting go of it and not letting it affect your future. When talking about how many people you've slept with, if it's a small number, then it doesn't matter but if it's a big number, then definitely play it down as unimportant or tone down the count."

6. Never mix business with pleasure

"You only ever mix business with pleasure when on business trips."

7. Never move in unless he asks

"Never move in without a ring on your finger."

8. Never tell your friends about your bedroom

"If the sex is great, why not share? If it's not, then keep quiet."

9. Never let them know his shoe size

"I assume this is a penis size reference? If it's big, share away. If it's small, don't embarrass your man with your friends."

10. Rule number 10 should have been rule number 1: 'Cos If you give in on the first night, make sure you ride that thing

"That's how I read it. If you're going to break the first rule, the sex better be mind-blowingly epic."

My rules? Always be honest and upfront about your intentions at the start, never fall in love with your booty call buddy, don't date too many people at once (it becomes difficult knowing who said what), never kiss, date or Facebook chat with someone your best mate has already dated and always, always use protection ...